I know I have been horrible at posting blogs this pregnancy, but I also have a full time job now besides sitting at a desk in a research lab.. or sitting in class 6 hours a day. ;)
My job has me running, which is keeping me busy... and tired. It's hard being pregnant AND working a physically demanding job! Although, on the plus side, my hours have been reduced from the typical 60+ hours a week I was putting in to somewhere between 40-50 hours a week now. It's nice being able to sleep in till 6:00 AM and getting off work at 3:00 PM. It gives me a lot more time to get other stuff done, and not be so exhausted all the time.
20 weeks have come and gone very slowly, but rapidly at the same time. It's hard for me to believe that we are already half way through this pregnancy, but at the same time, I can't believe I still have 20 weeks left. I know I don't want this baby to come any earlier than planned, because that always raises the chances of there being difficulties, but at the same time I can't WAIT to hold this precious bundle in my arms. Many people keep telling me that there is no rush, and I do agree, because I know FULL well the requirements and stresses of pre-term delivery, but at the same time I find myself having less patience with this pregnancy and having a huge desire to just hold a baby of my own in my arms.
The baby has been identified to be another little girl. Brad and I found out at our 18 week appointment, and we are both pretty excited about it. We also took the hour and fifteen minute drive home to pick out a name for the little squirt, and I am in love with it, might I add. Brad wasn't too excited to pick out girl names, because he was really excited about the boy name we had already picked out, but oh well. He agreed on the name that I LOVE and so we will be planning on that.... unless plans change.
A couple of weeks ago I started losing a lot of my non-pregnant mobility that I used to have. I now have a well defined baby bump sticking out my front end, and it is starting to get exciting and annoying as I am not able to fluently do certain things such as tie my shoes and put on socks, but I will live. I'm pretty sure I will be dreading being 8-9 months pregnant in the dead of winter... there's no such thing as "slip on snow boots"....
The kicks and nudges are starting to get more and more defined as the little one starts to get bigger and bigger. There are frequent times at work where I am as far away from the bathroom as possible and the little tiger decides it's time to use my bladder as a punching bag (her favorite activity as of late). I honestly missed those kicks and nudges, as that was one of the only connections that Paige and I ever got to experience. I am so hoping that this little one will be able to fulfill so many more experiences in motherhood for me.
As we get closer and closer to the 28 week mark, my nerves start to queaze. It makes me nervous to think that the same thing as what happened with Paige is a possibility with this little one. At my 30 week mark I had made plans to fly to Florida, and bought airplane tickets, and had everything to go for a week long vacation with the family... Just recently it was brought up to my attention that I may not even be able to fly there due to my previous pregnancy experience at 28 weeks. I am hoping and praying that the dr. will clear me to fly that week so that I can take that vacation. What other way to relieve pregnancy stress than a week on the beach (in a full body suit to hide all those stretch marks) in Florida over Thanksgiving week??
Our next Dr. appointment is on October 9th, and they will decide then weather I will be visiting every other week or stay at every 4 weeks until 30 weeks. It all depends on how the baby grows and develops over the next couple of weeks. Everything looked very good at our last Dr. appointment and the baby had grown and caught up with the "average" at 18 weeks. We did an echo cardiogram on her heart, and the Dr. said everything looked great and all of her organs checked out. He believes that he double vessel chord will not be too much of a concern from here on out, but that I still have to maintain a regular daily schedule and I can't introduce new, physical activities into my schedule as that may cause stress to my body and the babies.
I can't wait for another visit as we get to see the little one every time on ultrasound. It's exciting to be able to see the development and see that heart beating. We only ever got 2 ultrasounds of Paige, but baby #2 has been photographed 5 times already, and will be for every visit!
So, thats the update for now, I'm sure I'll update again in a few weeks when I get a spare minute or two! hope all is well!!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
17 Weeks.
I know that time keeps getting away from me. I was a lot better at posting blogs when I was pregnant with Paige. It was like an obsession when I was pregnant wit her. Now, it has turned into something that is just an extra thing to do. I am staying a lot busier these days with work compared to when I was at ISU working and going to school. My job consists of a lot more physical work these days than it did a year ago, and I am definitely feeling the difference.
These past 17 weeks have flown by, yet moved so slowly. I know I've said this before, but this pregnancy is just so much different than my pregnancy with Paige. I was so up-beat and excited about Paige. This time, it seems like more of a chore because I am so tired all the time and because this pregnancy hasn't been nearly as easy; physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, as my pregnancy with Paige. 17 weeks seems like its taken forever, but at the same time, I can't believe that a week from now, we will be able to say "he" or "she" once again. I am SO excited to see our little one up on the big screen again, to see all those tiny little body parts and be able to connect visually with the little one.
The last Dr's appointment brought both good and bad news, yet again. We found out that the umbilical cyst that the specialist saw in our 7 week ultrasound in fact, had gone away. The chances of that cyst being a physical issue was 20%. We both felt pretty good that these odds were for us and that everything was going to turn out ok, and it did! But at our 15 week ultrasound, which was a "pre-anatomy" scan for the specialist, just to make sure that everything was looking good and that the baby was developing properly. This was when the bad news of the day came into play. The specialist found yet another issue with the umbilical cord. The Dr. explained the issue to us, and it turns out its not a real severe issue, but it is a major concern to me. The umbilical cord with baby #2 is in fact a double vessel cord, which means that there are only two blood vessels instead of the normal three in an umbilical chord. This is a concern because with only one artery and one vein, the baby can be effected with stunted growth and/or severe organ dysfunction. The organs that are mostly affected are the heart, kidneys, and liver. The numbers say that 70% of all babies with a double vessel cord live 100% normal lives. But that 30% is my main concern. I know its a smaller number, but I can't help but imagine that one in three babies are born with defects because of this double vessel cord. It scares the crap out of me.
We will learn more about the baby's anatomy next Wednesday, but part of me is freaking out. I'm just getting sick of being beat over and over again with freaky stuff, especially after our experience with Paige and having previous issues with the umbilical cord with her. This double vessel thing is scaring the crap out of me, and I's adding more stress to this pregnancy than what already is there due to our loss of Paige.
On the bright side... I started to feel the baby move this past week, and now I am regularly feeling kicks and nudges. Brad hasn't yet been able to feel the kicks, but they are getting stronger, so I know it's not too much longer now before he will be able to experience it! He was pretty jealous when I was laying in bed the other night and started feeling the movements. I know he is getting really anxious to feel the movements, and I am getting anxious for him to have that connection with the baby too.
I am starting to get nervous as we start to near our time for the baby to come. I am starting to prepare myself for another disaster I feel like. I don't want to say it's a natural reaction, but i feel like it is another reaction to our experience with Paige. I just ask, once again, for prayers and uplifting words of encouragement as we get closer to the end and farther through this pregnancy. As we near or 28 week mark I know I will be a nervous wreck, but I also know that prayer is a very strong action, and God hears prayer and answers it too. Thanks for everyone for reading my blogs and keeping up with us through this journey. It means a lot to us to know that we have friends there to support us and to help us through this rough journey.
These past 17 weeks have flown by, yet moved so slowly. I know I've said this before, but this pregnancy is just so much different than my pregnancy with Paige. I was so up-beat and excited about Paige. This time, it seems like more of a chore because I am so tired all the time and because this pregnancy hasn't been nearly as easy; physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, as my pregnancy with Paige. 17 weeks seems like its taken forever, but at the same time, I can't believe that a week from now, we will be able to say "he" or "she" once again. I am SO excited to see our little one up on the big screen again, to see all those tiny little body parts and be able to connect visually with the little one.
The last Dr's appointment brought both good and bad news, yet again. We found out that the umbilical cyst that the specialist saw in our 7 week ultrasound in fact, had gone away. The chances of that cyst being a physical issue was 20%. We both felt pretty good that these odds were for us and that everything was going to turn out ok, and it did! But at our 15 week ultrasound, which was a "pre-anatomy" scan for the specialist, just to make sure that everything was looking good and that the baby was developing properly. This was when the bad news of the day came into play. The specialist found yet another issue with the umbilical cord. The Dr. explained the issue to us, and it turns out its not a real severe issue, but it is a major concern to me. The umbilical cord with baby #2 is in fact a double vessel cord, which means that there are only two blood vessels instead of the normal three in an umbilical chord. This is a concern because with only one artery and one vein, the baby can be effected with stunted growth and/or severe organ dysfunction. The organs that are mostly affected are the heart, kidneys, and liver. The numbers say that 70% of all babies with a double vessel cord live 100% normal lives. But that 30% is my main concern. I know its a smaller number, but I can't help but imagine that one in three babies are born with defects because of this double vessel cord. It scares the crap out of me.
We will learn more about the baby's anatomy next Wednesday, but part of me is freaking out. I'm just getting sick of being beat over and over again with freaky stuff, especially after our experience with Paige and having previous issues with the umbilical cord with her. This double vessel thing is scaring the crap out of me, and I's adding more stress to this pregnancy than what already is there due to our loss of Paige.
On the bright side... I started to feel the baby move this past week, and now I am regularly feeling kicks and nudges. Brad hasn't yet been able to feel the kicks, but they are getting stronger, so I know it's not too much longer now before he will be able to experience it! He was pretty jealous when I was laying in bed the other night and started feeling the movements. I know he is getting really anxious to feel the movements, and I am getting anxious for him to have that connection with the baby too.
I am starting to get nervous as we start to near our time for the baby to come. I am starting to prepare myself for another disaster I feel like. I don't want to say it's a natural reaction, but i feel like it is another reaction to our experience with Paige. I just ask, once again, for prayers and uplifting words of encouragement as we get closer to the end and farther through this pregnancy. As we near or 28 week mark I know I will be a nervous wreck, but I also know that prayer is a very strong action, and God hears prayer and answers it too. Thanks for everyone for reading my blogs and keeping up with us through this journey. It means a lot to us to know that we have friends there to support us and to help us through this rough journey.
Friday, August 16, 2013
14... 15 ?? Weeks
I know, I know. I haven't posted a new post in nearly 5 weeks! Time is slipping by! Lucky for you all, I have been stranded in the house with a migraine all day, so here goes nothing for another post!
Well, at 10 weeks, morning sickness, exhaustion, and sore feet were all on the daily list of activities I went through. Now, nearing 15 weeks, I am doing much better... besides the headaches/migraines.
Next Wednesday Brad and I head back to Sioux Falls for our 4th visit to the Dr. We have had an ultrasound every time we have visited the Dr. so far, and for both of the next 2 visits we are scheduled for ultrasounds. At 7 weeks we had our initial, "early pregnancy" visit to the Dr. to ensure that everything was good. At 10 weeks we had another check up, where they did another ultrasound, without any pictures :(, but we still got to see the little fart and got to see the heart beat racing away. At 12 weeks we had our third Dr. appointment. This appointment was another ultrasound, and a genetic screen test. They took my blood, I peed in a cup, and we got to see a full version of a "mini me" of the both of us.
Wednesday we go back in for the 4th appointment which is a check up on the umbilical cyst that the Dr. found on the ultrasound at our first Dr. Appointment. I am nervous, don't get me wrong, but after the results from the genetic screening came back "negative" with a 1/100,000 chance of a genetic disease, I feel much more confident that everything will be ok on Wednesday when we have that ultrasound.
In another 4 weeks.... FOUR WEEKS... we find out the gender of Baby Punt #2. I can't WAIT to give this little one a NAME. We do have a boy name picked out already... We actually agreed on one very quickly this pregnancy... we didn't even have a boy name picked out for Paige before we found out she was a girl, so the boy name has been a huge step for us! We are still throwing around a few girl names. It's hard for me to pick one, because Paige was my ultimate girl name... But, she was totally meant to be my Paige. There will be another girl name that will stick... maybe! ;)
This pregnancy seems to be flying by. I have had a hard time keeping track of the progress and knowing off the top of my head which week/day I am on. I have to think about it pretty hard, or I go to the pregnancy app on my phone to see it. haha. I just don't feel as involved with this pregnancy as the first one. I think part of that is because this pregnancy has been a lot more miserable. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Everything has been 10 fold from Paige. I knew there was a chance of having a rougher pregnancy since no pregnancy is the same, but I was really hoping it would be as smooth sailing as it was with Paige... but then again I was in school then, and now I am working 12 hour days.
It is starting to get better. A little. My bump is starting to really pop out. I went shopping last weekend with a few girlfriends, and they FORCED me to buy a maxi skirt. I'll admit, it is super comfy, but I'm just not a skirt person. The one nice thing about it... it's practically a maternity skirt because it STRETCHES! :) ...If only I could get away with wearing THAT to work... hahahaha. It's much better than wearing tight work jeans all the time! :)
Anyways. I will hopefully post again next week, after the Dr.s appointment. We have a wedding next weekend too, so I should have some free time to write out a message for you all!
Thanks for everyone's support so far! It means so much through a difficult pregnancy.
Well, at 10 weeks, morning sickness, exhaustion, and sore feet were all on the daily list of activities I went through. Now, nearing 15 weeks, I am doing much better... besides the headaches/migraines.
Next Wednesday Brad and I head back to Sioux Falls for our 4th visit to the Dr. We have had an ultrasound every time we have visited the Dr. so far, and for both of the next 2 visits we are scheduled for ultrasounds. At 7 weeks we had our initial, "early pregnancy" visit to the Dr. to ensure that everything was good. At 10 weeks we had another check up, where they did another ultrasound, without any pictures :(, but we still got to see the little fart and got to see the heart beat racing away. At 12 weeks we had our third Dr. appointment. This appointment was another ultrasound, and a genetic screen test. They took my blood, I peed in a cup, and we got to see a full version of a "mini me" of the both of us.
Wednesday we go back in for the 4th appointment which is a check up on the umbilical cyst that the Dr. found on the ultrasound at our first Dr. Appointment. I am nervous, don't get me wrong, but after the results from the genetic screening came back "negative" with a 1/100,000 chance of a genetic disease, I feel much more confident that everything will be ok on Wednesday when we have that ultrasound.
In another 4 weeks.... FOUR WEEKS... we find out the gender of Baby Punt #2. I can't WAIT to give this little one a NAME. We do have a boy name picked out already... We actually agreed on one very quickly this pregnancy... we didn't even have a boy name picked out for Paige before we found out she was a girl, so the boy name has been a huge step for us! We are still throwing around a few girl names. It's hard for me to pick one, because Paige was my ultimate girl name... But, she was totally meant to be my Paige. There will be another girl name that will stick... maybe! ;)
This pregnancy seems to be flying by. I have had a hard time keeping track of the progress and knowing off the top of my head which week/day I am on. I have to think about it pretty hard, or I go to the pregnancy app on my phone to see it. haha. I just don't feel as involved with this pregnancy as the first one. I think part of that is because this pregnancy has been a lot more miserable. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Everything has been 10 fold from Paige. I knew there was a chance of having a rougher pregnancy since no pregnancy is the same, but I was really hoping it would be as smooth sailing as it was with Paige... but then again I was in school then, and now I am working 12 hour days.
It is starting to get better. A little. My bump is starting to really pop out. I went shopping last weekend with a few girlfriends, and they FORCED me to buy a maxi skirt. I'll admit, it is super comfy, but I'm just not a skirt person. The one nice thing about it... it's practically a maternity skirt because it STRETCHES! :) ...If only I could get away with wearing THAT to work... hahahaha. It's much better than wearing tight work jeans all the time! :)
Anyways. I will hopefully post again next week, after the Dr.s appointment. We have a wedding next weekend too, so I should have some free time to write out a message for you all!
Thanks for everyone's support so far! It means so much through a difficult pregnancy.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
9 Weeks!
I cannot believe we are already 9 weeks into this crazy journey. It seems (keyword) like it is flying by, I'm not so sure that it really is, but it seems to be.
Its hard for me to go through this pregnancy as if there aren't any worries at all. Because there are. Everything I do, I wonder, "will this hurt the baby?" A typical, daily activity, such as sleeping, working, etc. all make me curious how it effects the little one. I keep telling myself that everything is going to be fine. That this will be a great experience and that it will be worth it in the end. I don't entirely believe myself yet, but I am working on it. A part of my problem is that I am distancing myself from the baby. I hate to admit it, but I'm not "bonding" like I did when I was pregnant with Paige. Part of me wants to bond, to get to really enjoy this pregnancy and to love every moment of it. The other part of me wants to stay distant so that its not just another disappointment. Don't get me wrong, Paige was never a disappointment, but she definitely wasn't what we were expecting.
After such a scary trip with Paige, I don't know what to expect this time. Isn't it normal for a human being to expect the worst but hope for the best? Everyone who goes through this, I feel, will automatically jump to the conclusion that it is going to go wrong, again. I can't help it. As much as I try to tell myself that everything is going to be just fine, I have this underlying feeling of doubt that it really will go that way. I wish I could stop this, but I'm struggling.
I am pretty excited for baby Punt #2. I just don't know how to express it. I am freaked out. Are we really ready for this, again? Brad and I are already struggling with my moods. I admit it, the hormones, oh the hormones, this round are way worse than the first time. I learned not to promise anything anymore. ... when I first found out I was pregnant, I promised him that this time I would be more prepared on what was going to happen and I would take it willingly because I was so excited to have a second chance at being a mother. ... Yeah. That was the wrong promise to make. Little did I know that the hormones would be more than raging on the second trip into parenthood.
Brad and I are enduring the trip well, so far. :) It's just a change from the previous journey.
Today marks 9 weeks. I've been taking it a lot easier at work this past week since our last doctors visit. The heat has really been getting to me, so I take frequent trips to the office to cool off in the AC for a while. I am now eating about 8 meals a day. The guys at work laugh at me because I take frequent trips to the house for water, powerade, a snack, some food, etc. Oh well, I'm hungry. I work my tail off in the heat all day, every day, I knew my appetite would increase even more than what I expected.
I will admit that I went on a little bit of a rebel phase last week after the doctors office. The nurse made such a big deal about eating tuna... so what does the person that was told she CANT have tuna... she went and made tuna helper (hehehe, I felt like a rebel). I'm here to say that a little tuna once in a great while, is NOT going to make a huge difference.
The chart below is the past weeks progress and fun facts that are on my Pregnancy Calendar. I have been enjoying reading this day to day, just to see what all is going on.
Month 3
| ||||||
Day 57
8 wks 1 day |
Day 58
8 wks 2 days |
Day 59
8 wks 3 days |
Day 60
8 wks 4 days |
Day 61
8 wks 5 days |
Day 62
8 wks 6 days |
Day 63
9 wks |
Sun, Jun 23
|
Mon, Jun 24
|
Tue, Jun 25
|
Wed, Jun 26
|
Thu, Jun 27
|
Fri, Jun 28
|
Sat, Jun 29
|
| Baby's crown to rump length is 12 mm or 0.50 inches. Baby weighs about 1 gram. | Baby's external ears are developing | Mom's clothing is probably getting tight now. | Washing your face several times a day may help with skin breakouts. | Baby's optic nerve and eyelids are developing. | Baby's arms and legs are moving now. This would be visible on ultrasound. | You may be able to hear your baby's heartbeat via doppler. |
Anyways. Once again, I'm just asking for a few more prayers as we walk down this journey. We have another long 31 weeks (hopefully) left of this pregnancy and we really can't do this on our own. We know God is there with us, walking next to us, but we still know that prayer works in wondrous ways. And, we thank everyone who has been there for us, supported us, and prayed for us already, and who will in the future. Thanks!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Looking Back A Year...
July 11, 2012 Brad and I found out we were expecting Paige. 6 Months later, she was born into our lives, even though it wasn't in a way we had ever planned. She changed our lives forever. She brought us joy, laughter, "pregnancy brain", parenthood, and many other blessings in disguise for the short life she lived inside of my womb. Brad and I never expected our lives to take such a dramatic turn. With Paige gone, both of our lives turned pretty gray for a while. I quit both of my jobs, which I loved, moved down to be with Brad where he worked, and became less and less happy as the days went by. I needed a change.
In December I graduated with my second college degree, a Bachelors in Animal Science. I had applied for many jobs, but being 6 months pregnant, nobody wanted to hire me because I would be going on maternity leave in a matter of weeks to months. It was too high of a risk for many employers to take. After Paige was born, I applied for more jobs, and had a few interviews, which were all dead ends, until I got a random call from a small town dairy near my home town.
April 8, 2013 I accepted a job at a place I never saw myself being. As the new Calf Herd Manager at Hickory Hill I plunged full bore into this full time job, caring for newborn calves. I moved into a new house, dove into my job, and honestly never expected Brad to follow me back to Sioux County. I figured we would just keep doing what the last 2 1/2 years of our marriage was like... long distance, randomly "seeing" each other. At the end of April, Brad quit his job at Trausch Farms and moved up to the dairy with me, in the huge 4 bedroom house that I got with the job. less that a week later, Brad was hired onto the maintenance crew here, and has been working here since. So many blessings in disguise have happened over the course of a year, its unbelievable. Our relationship feels like it has been completely renewed now that we are ACTUALLY living together, spending time together, sleeping under the same roof, doing things together, etc.
June 1, 2013 our lives took another huge turn in a direction we both weren't expecting. Baby #2 is now baking in the oven, which was a complete surprise to the both of us. "Gummy Bear," as we have nicknamed it, is due February 11, 2014. Oh Shit. Are we ready for this? How will this work? So many questions that need to be answered and no answers to be given. 8 weeks into pregnancy, I can already tell this is going to be a long 9 (hopefully) months. After the previous experience, I'm sure you can all imagine the worries that could possibly be going through my head. Brad keeps telling me "it will be fine" and "don't worry about it, what happens will happen"... That's just it. I don't want anything BAD to happen.
June 26th was our first Dr's appointment. We met with one of the two physicians that will be monitoring me through my pregnancy. I will be closely watched by both, and ill be making very regular trips to the Sanford Women's Health building in Sioux Falls. Ugh, that's right. Sioux Falls! I have to do my pre-natal visits and be monitored by a "large-city" hospital because of my risk. I am considered High Risk after Paige, and the small town hospitals (Orange City, Sioux Center, Le Mars) will not take on a high risk patient. They would automatically transfer me to Sanford in Sioux Falls... so there it is. Endless miles of traveling back and forth. We got to see the heart beat for the first time on he 26th. A racing pace of 161 beats per minute gave us the comfort that our little one, was in fact, still alive. What a relief it was to know that I was really pregnant. The home pregnancy test just wasn't enough for me to believe that it was a "viable" pregnancy, I guess, because I didn't really expect a baby, until I saw that ultrasound. The one concern that the Dr. had at our first appointment was that there was a small cyst forming on the umbilical chord, from what he could see on the ultrasound. He assured us that this was NOT in fact something to be concerned about yet. He said nearly 80-85% of these cysts go away by weeks 12-15. If it doesn't go away, then we will in fact be doing some testing to see if there are any birth defects that are present. As of now, we are both keeping a positive head about that 80-85%. We believe this is a fairly high number, and we trust that God has this in His hands. No matter what, this child was in God's plan for us, obviously, otherwise this child would not be here.
Today, July 2, we visited another doctors office at the same hospital to meet the nurse of the second physician that will be monitoring me. We are not sure which one will be delivering me yet, as we still need to make the choice, but hopefully we have another 6 months before we have to worry about that too much. The doctor did a little V-Scan today, which is a "pocket book" ultrasound... it's pretty much an ultrasound on an I-pod. No pictures printed, but we got to see the heart beat again, and our little "gummy bear," which is always a plus side of the visits. We have our 12 week appointment scheduled for July 30th, and we will be going through the 12 week screening to make sure that everything is ok. This is just an ultrasound to look for abnormalities in the spine, etc. We also have a 15 week appointment for another ultrasound to look at that umbilical cyst again. Hopefully, by then, it will be gone and baby will be semi-in-the-clear.
Today the nurse was pretty upset with Brad and I because we didn't want to sit through the question session that all early pregnancy patients need to do. We both felt that we don't need a public question session to ask our questions and that we would be much more comfortable asking them to our nurse in person. The nurse did not like this choice of ours, but went through the general basics. I feel that as this is my second pregnancy, I pretty much feel ok with myself and know what I need to do when. The nurse, obviously being from a large city, was VERY concerned about me working with cattle though. She told me I shouldn't have ANY physical contact with livestock or vaccines, that I SHOULDN'T be lifting anything over 40 pounds, and that I need to be VERY careful, but that she "fully appreciates what I do on a day to day basis."... I wanted to b!tc# slap her so bad. She was SO rude about my career. First off, I've grown up around cattle all of my life, I feel comfortable around them, its my career, and I'm not going to quit my job just because I am pregnant. Second of all, there are how many THOUSANDS of female vets, ag workers, etc. working out in the field EVERYDAY in the US... I'm POSITIVE that there ARE other pregnant women out there working with livestock everyday! WHY is it any different for me!? And my last problem I had with that statement was that, I am not stupid. I know when I've done too much, or when I need to quit doing what I'm doing because I am getting tired. This is a part of my daily life, I don't need to be treated like a child just because I am pregnant, and at risk. I understand, she just wants me to have a successful pregnancy, who doesn't??... but telling me that I can't do what I do everyday in my career just because I am pregnant was stepping over the border for me.
Anyways, so far, so good. I am starting to hit the morning sickness stage, which I completely skipped over with Paige, but, it is all worth it. I cannot WAIT for this wonderful blessing, and I just keep praying to God that he knows what He is doing... ( I know he does, but checking with Him makes me feel just a little bit better about this journey). I have been losing weight so far, which is a concern, but I am also just starting to get my "pregnancy appetite" back, and the meals are starting to pick up. We will get through this, but we do need a lot of prayers and support. Our emotions are still very fresh from Paige, and being as we are due only a short month before Paige's "was" due date, the emotions of being at the same "stage" of pregnancy a year ago are very fresh in my mind as well. We are so happy, but so scared at the same time, so we ask that anyone who has a spare moment every once an a while to send a little prayer for us for patients, peaces, and the good mercy of the Lord to be with us through this pregnancy, so we may finally, hold our own crying, precious little bundle of joy.
6 Weeks... (mostly just bloating)
7 Weeks ... (still mostly just bloating)
8 Weeks... Just starting to show!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Memorial Day
Well, Brad and I made it past the first Memorial Day since Paige.
Awkward.
Everyone always thinks that Memorial Day is all about the veterans, or those who served in active duty, or were in the military... but for some of us... it's not entirely about that.
I do not mean to be rude to those who have a special place for Memorial Day for a lost soldier, a vet, or a military family member/friend/whomever it should be. But for me, Memorial Day has a completely different meaning.
I looked up the meaning of Memorial Day on Google, just to see what comes up as the definition, and this is what I got:
me·mo·ri·al day
Even according to Google, Memorial Day is a day to remember those who were in the military service. Once again, I don't mean to be rude, but for me, it's not only about that.
I have other family members and friends that I believe ought to have a day of remembrance also. Not just those who were in the military. To me, Memorial Day is a holiday where I can morn the loss of two very special loved ones in my life. Memorial Day always used to be a day of "gathering" for my family after Breiton died. It was a day for us to get together, have a huge picnic in the park, and talk about the amazing smile, the awesome times, and the endless love we had for my little brother. It was a day of happiness, laughter, and grief.
This year, another little body was added to the list of morning for me. Paige. As much as I so wanted to go and visit her grave, once again, I lost the courage to do it. I am dreading the day. I had some family members bring a flower pot out there, and they texted me to tell me I could take it to the house if I wanted it there instead... Even with an excuse to go and visit her grave, I have still denied myself the opportunity. I just can't force myself to go. I'm just not ready. I like to sit here in my big house, working 12 hour days, playing with the dogs, acting like my life is normal. Acting like nothing ever happened to me. It's just easier. I try and forget the pain, suffering, and memories. I numb myself.
I know I will eventually have to tear down that wall of "sealed off from reality," face my fears, and visit her grave. I know that some day I will have to go and order that headstone, decide what style we want, what words to use... but today just isn't that day. I know it will come. I know it will suck. I'm just hoping that someday down the road it will be easier that it would have been today, had I chosen to go today.
Every day it gets easier and easier for me to look at all of Paige's stuff that I have around the house. Pictures, memorial candles, toys, funeral gifts, etc. I know that eventually it will be the same thing as how I now feel about Breiton. I still think about him alot, but I have had 8 years to recover. Just like with Paige, I will have (hopefully) many years to recover, and to start fresh once again. It seems like yesterday, but we are up to 5 months since she entered this world as and Angel, and it will be many more months before I will see her again, but I know that option is there, as long as I live my faith and my life in Gods path.
Awkward.
Everyone always thinks that Memorial Day is all about the veterans, or those who served in active duty, or were in the military... but for some of us... it's not entirely about that.
I do not mean to be rude to those who have a special place for Memorial Day for a lost soldier, a vet, or a military family member/friend/whomever it should be. But for me, Memorial Day has a completely different meaning.
I looked up the meaning of Memorial Day on Google, just to see what comes up as the definition, and this is what I got:
me·mo·ri·al day
Noun
|
Even according to Google, Memorial Day is a day to remember those who were in the military service. Once again, I don't mean to be rude, but for me, it's not only about that.
I have other family members and friends that I believe ought to have a day of remembrance also. Not just those who were in the military. To me, Memorial Day is a holiday where I can morn the loss of two very special loved ones in my life. Memorial Day always used to be a day of "gathering" for my family after Breiton died. It was a day for us to get together, have a huge picnic in the park, and talk about the amazing smile, the awesome times, and the endless love we had for my little brother. It was a day of happiness, laughter, and grief.
This year, another little body was added to the list of morning for me. Paige. As much as I so wanted to go and visit her grave, once again, I lost the courage to do it. I am dreading the day. I had some family members bring a flower pot out there, and they texted me to tell me I could take it to the house if I wanted it there instead... Even with an excuse to go and visit her grave, I have still denied myself the opportunity. I just can't force myself to go. I'm just not ready. I like to sit here in my big house, working 12 hour days, playing with the dogs, acting like my life is normal. Acting like nothing ever happened to me. It's just easier. I try and forget the pain, suffering, and memories. I numb myself.
I know I will eventually have to tear down that wall of "sealed off from reality," face my fears, and visit her grave. I know that some day I will have to go and order that headstone, decide what style we want, what words to use... but today just isn't that day. I know it will come. I know it will suck. I'm just hoping that someday down the road it will be easier that it would have been today, had I chosen to go today.
Every day it gets easier and easier for me to look at all of Paige's stuff that I have around the house. Pictures, memorial candles, toys, funeral gifts, etc. I know that eventually it will be the same thing as how I now feel about Breiton. I still think about him alot, but I have had 8 years to recover. Just like with Paige, I will have (hopefully) many years to recover, and to start fresh once again. It seems like yesterday, but we are up to 5 months since she entered this world as and Angel, and it will be many more months before I will see her again, but I know that option is there, as long as I live my faith and my life in Gods path.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Dutch Circus...
Last week my bestie from the East decided to come and visit me one last time before we were both swamped with the summer heat and working full time. She took an internship in SE Iowa and will be over 6 hours away from me for nearly 5 months. We both decided this weekend was a good time for her to come visit me and get a feel for my new home here in NW Iowa.
Laura came to visit me Thursday afternoon. She even helped me for a few hours at work putting up some more calf pens, feeding babies, and helping me do some other random stuff I had to get done. I took the day off Friday and we BOTH slept in for a change... which was very nice, might I add.
After we slept in and chilled around for a few hours, we headed off to Sioux Center where Laura applied for an internship for next summer with Central Vet. She starts vet school at ISU next fall and is looking for an internship to assist her in her studies next summer. We then hit up Rock Valley because she needed to get measured for a bridesmaids dress, which was a fairly short, sweet, and too the point event. We also hit up the second hands store there in town, and I bought myself a new pair of jeans!
We then hit up the "amazing" Kelly's drive in in Hospers for some quick lunch and headed off to my dads house to grab my camera and head out to the dutch circus. Laura had never experienced the Tulip Festival before, so it was quite the culture shock for her. We walked around down town a little bit, caught up with my younger sister Cassie, then headed off to Missy's house for a "Straberrita" before the parade. Dad showed up and we all headed off to the parade. Laura and I split a Gobblestop Turkey Shop turkey leg, a caramel apple, and grabbed some water. After that We headed off to our house, where everyone was getting together for a fun evening.
A few drinks later, and hitting the bed at 11:30, I was shot. I had to work last weekend, and Saturday AM was QUITE interesting... me on 4 hours of sleep... NOT pretty. Lol. Needless to say, I took a couple of hours off in the afternoon for a nap! :) Laura left Saturday after I cooked her breakfast. She had a wedding to attend in Des Moines, so she headed out somewhat early in the day.
Saturday night, Matt and Nikita came home for the last Tulip Festival parade, and we all met up. It was a bitter-sweet meeting as the Kleyer's had their 2 month old baby along with them. Evyn was due just 2 weeks before Paige was. Ally, Evyn, and Paige would all have been 8 weeks apart, and they would all have been great friends! I'm not going to lie, it nearly killed me to see two of our closest friends and their husbands show off their adorable little girls to friends and family that walked past them at the tulip festival. It hurt to watch the two of them talk about their daughters and the quirks and specialties that motherhood has brought to their lives. Just hearing them talk about the habits/actions of their little girls made me wish SO bad that I could join in the conversation. I felt really bad, but eventually I just had to walk away. I walked over to the guys and joined into their conversation... which wasn't as interesting as learning about silly things that Alli and Evyn had done or do, but it kept my mind off of the hurt that was slowly sneaking back up to my chest.
It's hard. It's been hard, it'ts going to be hard, and it will always be a memory of the past. But. I look forward to the day where I can meet another Baby Punt. I will cherish that child so much more due to the past experiences, and stories I have heard from our friends. I cannot wait to experience motherhood for myself, and I know it will be a lot easier having two great friends who have already experienced it, but, I still would have loved to join in the unknown journey right along side them. Someday... I will get my wish. I just need to have patience.
Laura came to visit me Thursday afternoon. She even helped me for a few hours at work putting up some more calf pens, feeding babies, and helping me do some other random stuff I had to get done. I took the day off Friday and we BOTH slept in for a change... which was very nice, might I add.
After we slept in and chilled around for a few hours, we headed off to Sioux Center where Laura applied for an internship for next summer with Central Vet. She starts vet school at ISU next fall and is looking for an internship to assist her in her studies next summer. We then hit up Rock Valley because she needed to get measured for a bridesmaids dress, which was a fairly short, sweet, and too the point event. We also hit up the second hands store there in town, and I bought myself a new pair of jeans!
We then hit up the "amazing" Kelly's drive in in Hospers for some quick lunch and headed off to my dads house to grab my camera and head out to the dutch circus. Laura had never experienced the Tulip Festival before, so it was quite the culture shock for her. We walked around down town a little bit, caught up with my younger sister Cassie, then headed off to Missy's house for a "Straberrita" before the parade. Dad showed up and we all headed off to the parade. Laura and I split a Gobblestop Turkey Shop turkey leg, a caramel apple, and grabbed some water. After that We headed off to our house, where everyone was getting together for a fun evening.
A few drinks later, and hitting the bed at 11:30, I was shot. I had to work last weekend, and Saturday AM was QUITE interesting... me on 4 hours of sleep... NOT pretty. Lol. Needless to say, I took a couple of hours off in the afternoon for a nap! :) Laura left Saturday after I cooked her breakfast. She had a wedding to attend in Des Moines, so she headed out somewhat early in the day.
Saturday night, Matt and Nikita came home for the last Tulip Festival parade, and we all met up. It was a bitter-sweet meeting as the Kleyer's had their 2 month old baby along with them. Evyn was due just 2 weeks before Paige was. Ally, Evyn, and Paige would all have been 8 weeks apart, and they would all have been great friends! I'm not going to lie, it nearly killed me to see two of our closest friends and their husbands show off their adorable little girls to friends and family that walked past them at the tulip festival. It hurt to watch the two of them talk about their daughters and the quirks and specialties that motherhood has brought to their lives. Just hearing them talk about the habits/actions of their little girls made me wish SO bad that I could join in the conversation. I felt really bad, but eventually I just had to walk away. I walked over to the guys and joined into their conversation... which wasn't as interesting as learning about silly things that Alli and Evyn had done or do, but it kept my mind off of the hurt that was slowly sneaking back up to my chest.
It's hard. It's been hard, it'ts going to be hard, and it will always be a memory of the past. But. I look forward to the day where I can meet another Baby Punt. I will cherish that child so much more due to the past experiences, and stories I have heard from our friends. I cannot wait to experience motherhood for myself, and I know it will be a lot easier having two great friends who have already experienced it, but, I still would have loved to join in the unknown journey right along side them. Someday... I will get my wish. I just need to have patience.
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