9 Weeks!

I cannot believe we are already 9 weeks into this crazy journey. It seems (keyword) like it is flying by, I'm not so sure that it really is, but it seems to be.

Its hard for me to go through this pregnancy as if there aren't any worries at all. Because there are. Everything I do, I wonder, "will this hurt the baby?" A typical, daily activity, such as sleeping, working, etc. all make me curious how it effects the little one.  I keep telling myself that everything is going to be fine. That this will be a great experience and that it will be worth it in the end. I don't entirely believe myself yet, but I am working on it. A part of my problem is that I am distancing myself from the baby. I hate to admit it, but I'm not "bonding" like I did when I was pregnant with Paige. Part of me wants to bond, to get to really enjoy this pregnancy and to love every moment of it. The other part of me wants to stay distant so that its not just another disappointment. Don't get me wrong, Paige was never a disappointment, but she definitely wasn't what we were expecting. 

After such a scary trip with Paige, I don't know what to expect this time. Isn't it normal for a human being to expect the worst but hope for the best? Everyone who goes through this, I feel, will automatically jump to the conclusion that it is going to go wrong, again. I can't help it. As much as I try to tell myself that everything is going to be just fine, I have this underlying feeling of doubt that it really will go that way. I wish I could stop this, but I'm struggling.

I am pretty excited for baby Punt #2. I just don't know how to express it. I am freaked out. Are we really ready for this, again? Brad and I are already struggling with my moods. I admit it, the hormones, oh the hormones, this round are way worse than the first time. I learned not to promise anything anymore. ... when I first found out I was pregnant, I promised him that this time I would be more prepared on what was going to happen and I would take it willingly because I was so excited to have a second chance at being a mother. ... Yeah. That was the wrong promise to make. Little did I know that the hormones would be more than raging on the second trip into parenthood. 

Brad and I are enduring the trip well, so far. :) It's just a change from the previous journey. 

Today marks 9 weeks. I've been taking it a lot easier at work this past week since our last doctors visit. The heat has really been getting to me, so I take frequent trips to the office to cool off in the AC for a while. I am now eating about 8 meals a day. The guys at work laugh at me because I take frequent trips to the house for water, powerade, a snack, some food, etc. Oh well, I'm hungry. I work my tail off in the heat all day, every day, I knew my appetite would increase even more than what I expected. 

I will admit that I went on a little bit of a rebel phase last week after the doctors office. The nurse made such a big deal about eating tuna... so what does the person that was told she CANT have tuna... she went and made tuna helper (hehehe, I felt like a rebel). I'm here to say that a little tuna once in a great while, is NOT going to make a huge difference. 

The chart below is the past weeks progress and fun facts that are on my Pregnancy Calendar. I have been enjoying reading this day to day, just to see what all is going on.

Month 3
Day 57 8 wks 1 day	Day 58 8 wks 2 days	Day 59 8 wks 3 days	Day 60 8 wks 4 days	Day 61 8 wks 5 days	Day 62 8 wks 6 days	Day 63 9 wks
Sun, Jun 23	Mon, Jun 24	Tue, Jun 25	Wed, Jun 26	Thu, Jun 27	Fri, Jun 28	Sat, Jun 29
Baby's crown to rump length is 12 mm or 0.50 inches. Baby weighs about 1 gram.	Baby's external ears are developing	Mom's clothing is probably getting tight now.	Washing your face several times a day may help with skin breakouts.	Baby's optic nerve and eyelids are developing.	Baby's arms and legs are moving now. This would be visible on ultrasound.	You may be able to hear your baby's heartbeat via doppler.

Anyways. Once again, I'm just asking for a few more prayers as we walk down this journey. We have another long 31 weeks (hopefully) left of this pregnancy and we really can't do this on our own. We know God is there with us, walking next to us, but we still know that prayer works in wondrous ways. And, we thank everyone who has been there for us, supported us, and prayed for us already, and who will in the future. Thanks! 

Looking Back A Year...

July 11, 2012 Brad and I found out we were expecting Paige. 6 Months later, she was born into our lives, even though it wasn't in a way we had ever planned. She changed our lives forever. She brought us joy, laughter, "pregnancy brain", parenthood, and many other blessings in disguise for the short life she lived inside of my womb. Brad and I never expected our lives to take such a dramatic turn. With Paige gone, both of our lives turned pretty gray for a while. I quit both of my jobs, which I loved, moved down to be with Brad where he worked, and became less and less happy as the days went by. I needed a change. 

In December I graduated with my second college degree, a Bachelors in Animal Science. I had applied for many jobs, but being 6 months pregnant, nobody wanted to hire me because I would be going on maternity leave in a matter of weeks to months. It was too high of a risk for many employers to take. After Paige was born, I applied for more jobs, and had a few interviews, which were all dead ends, until I got a random call from a small town dairy near my home town.

April 8, 2013 I accepted a job at a place I never saw myself being. As the new Calf Herd Manager at Hickory Hill I plunged full bore into this full time job, caring for newborn calves. I moved into a new house, dove into my job, and honestly never expected Brad to follow me back to Sioux County. I figured we would just keep doing what the last 2 1/2 years of our marriage was like... long distance, randomly "seeing" each other.  At the end of April, Brad quit his job at Trausch Farms and moved up to the dairy with me, in the huge 4 bedroom house that I got with the job. less that a week later, Brad was hired onto the maintenance crew here, and has been working here since. So many blessings in disguise have happened over the course of a year, its unbelievable. Our relationship feels like it has been completely renewed now that we are ACTUALLY living together, spending time together, sleeping under the same roof, doing things together, etc. 

June 1, 2013 our lives took another huge turn in a direction we both weren't expecting. Baby #2 is now baking in the oven, which was a complete surprise to the both of us. "Gummy Bear," as we have nicknamed it, is due February 11, 2014. Oh Shit. Are we ready for this? How will this work? So many questions that need to be answered and no answers to be given. 8 weeks into pregnancy, I can already tell this is going to be a long 9 (hopefully) months. After the previous experience, I'm sure you can all imagine the worries that could possibly be going through my head. Brad keeps telling me "it will be fine" and "don't worry about it, what happens will happen"... That's just it. I don't want anything BAD to happen. 

June 26th was our first Dr's appointment. We met with one of the two physicians that will be monitoring me through my pregnancy. I will be closely watched by both, and ill be making very regular trips to the Sanford Women's Health building in Sioux Falls. Ugh, that's right. Sioux Falls! I have to do my pre-natal visits and be monitored by a "large-city" hospital because of my risk. I am considered High Risk after Paige, and the small town hospitals (Orange City, Sioux Center, Le Mars) will not take on a high risk patient. They would automatically transfer me to Sanford in Sioux Falls... so there it is. Endless miles of traveling back and forth. We got to see the heart beat for the first time on he 26th. A racing pace of 161 beats per minute gave us the comfort that our little one, was in fact, still alive.  What a relief it was to know that I was really pregnant. The home pregnancy test just wasn't enough for me to believe that it was a "viable" pregnancy, I guess, because I didn't really expect a baby, until I saw that ultrasound. The one concern that the Dr. had at our first appointment was that there was a small cyst forming on the umbilical chord, from what he could see on the ultrasound. He assured us that this was NOT in fact something to be concerned about yet. He said nearly 80-85% of these cysts go away by weeks 12-15. If it doesn't go away, then we will in fact be doing some testing to see if there are any birth defects that are present. As of now, we are both keeping a positive head about that 80-85%. We believe this is a fairly high number, and we trust that God has this in His hands. No matter what, this child was in God's plan for us, obviously, otherwise this child would not be here.

Today, July 2, we visited another doctors office at the same hospital to meet the nurse of the second physician that will be monitoring me. We are not sure which one will be delivering me yet, as we still need to make the choice, but hopefully we have another 6 months before we have to worry about that too much. The doctor did a little V-Scan today, which is a "pocket book" ultrasound... it's pretty much an ultrasound on an I-pod. No pictures printed, but we got to see the heart beat again, and our little "gummy bear," which is always a plus side of the visits. We have our 12 week appointment scheduled for July 30th, and we will be going through the 12 week screening to make sure that everything is ok. This is just an ultrasound to look for abnormalities in the spine, etc. We also have a 15 week appointment for another ultrasound to look at that umbilical cyst again. Hopefully, by then, it will be gone and baby will be semi-in-the-clear. 

Today the nurse was pretty upset with Brad and I because we didn't want to sit through the question session that all early pregnancy patients need to do. We both felt that we don't need a public question session to ask our questions and that we would be much more comfortable asking them to our nurse in person. The nurse did not like this choice of ours, but went through the general basics. I feel that as this is my second pregnancy, I pretty much feel ok with myself and know what I need to do when. The nurse, obviously being from a large city, was VERY concerned about me working with cattle though. She told me I shouldn't have ANY physical contact with livestock or vaccines, that I SHOULDN'T be lifting anything over 40 pounds, and that I need to be VERY careful, but that she "fully appreciates what I do on a day to day basis."... I wanted to b!tc# slap her so bad. She was SO rude about my career. First off, I've grown up around cattle all of my life, I feel comfortable around them, its my career, and I'm not going to quit my job just because I am pregnant. Second of all, there are how many THOUSANDS of female vets, ag workers, etc. working out in the field EVERYDAY in the US... I'm POSITIVE that there ARE other pregnant women out there working with livestock everyday! WHY is it any different for me!? And my last problem I had with that statement was that, I am not stupid. I know when I've done too much, or when I need to quit doing what I'm doing because I am getting tired. This is a part of my daily life, I don't need to be treated like a child just because I am pregnant, and at risk. I understand, she just wants me to have a successful pregnancy, who doesn't??... but telling me that I can't do what I do everyday in my career just because I am pregnant was stepping over the border for me. 

Anyways, so far, so good. I am starting to hit the morning sickness stage, which I completely skipped over with Paige, but, it is all worth it. I cannot WAIT for this wonderful blessing, and I just keep praying to God that he knows what He is doing... ( I know he does, but checking with Him makes me feel just a little bit better about this journey). I have been losing weight so far, which is a concern, but I am also just starting to get my "pregnancy appetite" back, and the meals are starting to pick up. We will get through this, but we do need a lot of prayers and support. Our emotions are still very fresh from Paige, and being as we are due only a short month before Paige's "was" due date, the emotions of being at the same "stage" of pregnancy a year ago are very fresh in my mind as well. We are so happy, but so scared at the same time, so we ask that anyone who has a spare moment every once an a while to send a little prayer for us for patients, peaces, and the good mercy of the Lord to be with us through this pregnancy, so we may finally, hold our own crying, precious little bundle of joy. 

6 Weeks... (mostly just bloating)

7 Weeks ... (still mostly just bloating)

 8 Weeks... Just starting to show!