Its hard for me to go through this pregnancy as if there aren't any worries at all. Because there are. Everything I do, I wonder, "will this hurt the baby?" A typical, daily activity, such as sleeping, working, etc. all make me curious how it effects the little one. I keep telling myself that everything is going to be fine. That this will be a great experience and that it will be worth it in the end. I don't entirely believe myself yet, but I am working on it. A part of my problem is that I am distancing myself from the baby. I hate to admit it, but I'm not "bonding" like I did when I was pregnant with Paige. Part of me wants to bond, to get to really enjoy this pregnancy and to love every moment of it. The other part of me wants to stay distant so that its not just another disappointment. Don't get me wrong, Paige was never a disappointment, but she definitely wasn't what we were expecting.
After such a scary trip with Paige, I don't know what to expect this time. Isn't it normal for a human being to expect the worst but hope for the best? Everyone who goes through this, I feel, will automatically jump to the conclusion that it is going to go wrong, again. I can't help it. As much as I try to tell myself that everything is going to be just fine, I have this underlying feeling of doubt that it really will go that way. I wish I could stop this, but I'm struggling.
I am pretty excited for baby Punt #2. I just don't know how to express it. I am freaked out. Are we really ready for this, again? Brad and I are already struggling with my moods. I admit it, the hormones, oh the hormones, this round are way worse than the first time. I learned not to promise anything anymore. ... when I first found out I was pregnant, I promised him that this time I would be more prepared on what was going to happen and I would take it willingly because I was so excited to have a second chance at being a mother. ... Yeah. That was the wrong promise to make. Little did I know that the hormones would be more than raging on the second trip into parenthood.
Brad and I are enduring the trip well, so far. :) It's just a change from the previous journey.
Today marks 9 weeks. I've been taking it a lot easier at work this past week since our last doctors visit. The heat has really been getting to me, so I take frequent trips to the office to cool off in the AC for a while. I am now eating about 8 meals a day. The guys at work laugh at me because I take frequent trips to the house for water, powerade, a snack, some food, etc. Oh well, I'm hungry. I work my tail off in the heat all day, every day, I knew my appetite would increase even more than what I expected.
I will admit that I went on a little bit of a rebel phase last week after the doctors office. The nurse made such a big deal about eating tuna... so what does the person that was told she CANT have tuna... she went and made tuna helper (hehehe, I felt like a rebel). I'm here to say that a little tuna once in a great while, is NOT going to make a huge difference.
The chart below is the past weeks progress and fun facts that are on my Pregnancy Calendar. I have been enjoying reading this day to day, just to see what all is going on.
Month 3
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Day 57
8 wks 1 day |
Day 58
8 wks 2 days |
Day 59
8 wks 3 days |
Day 60
8 wks 4 days |
Day 61
8 wks 5 days |
Day 62
8 wks 6 days |
Day 63
9 wks |
Sun, Jun 23
|
Mon, Jun 24
|
Tue, Jun 25
|
Wed, Jun 26
|
Thu, Jun 27
|
Fri, Jun 28
|
Sat, Jun 29
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| Baby's crown to rump length is 12 mm or 0.50 inches. Baby weighs about 1 gram. | Baby's external ears are developing | Mom's clothing is probably getting tight now. | Washing your face several times a day may help with skin breakouts. | Baby's optic nerve and eyelids are developing. | Baby's arms and legs are moving now. This would be visible on ultrasound. | You may be able to hear your baby's heartbeat via doppler. |
Anyways. Once again, I'm just asking for a few more prayers as we walk down this journey. We have another long 31 weeks (hopefully) left of this pregnancy and we really can't do this on our own. We know God is there with us, walking next to us, but we still know that prayer works in wondrous ways. And, we thank everyone who has been there for us, supported us, and prayed for us already, and who will in the future. Thanks!
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