I present to you: "The People of Wal-Mart."
1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvxNgdFeWqM
2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNzwgrtdBo8
Have a good night! :)
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Dear 12 Year Old Roslyn...
So, today I decided to try something different. I'm writing a letter to my 12 year old self. I know it sounds odd... but everyone has things that they'd wish someone had told them were going to happen, before they happened. So here goes nothing.
Dear 12 Year Old Roslyn,
I know you don't know me, at least not yet. I know you don't trust people that you don't know, but I need you to trust me now. You will grow up to become a completely different person that you have planned for your life.
I know you take a lot of stuff for granted. You don't enjoy those family events, although you act like you do, you would rather be out with your sheep and dog. I know how much Ruby, Sparky, and Lady have always meant to you. Believe me, you will cherish those family times in the future. I know your three little siblings drive you nuts, get you in trouble, and "ruin your life", but you will come to cherish the time you have with them in the future as well.
Many people come into your life, and they remain there for an entire lifetime. I just want you to know that people come into your life and leave much sooner than you expect as well. I will never be easy to lose a loved one, but you will some day understand that living a full life doesn't always take 60+ years to be fulfilled. I just hope you realize this and cherish the time you have with each and every person in your life. Some may be gone before you are prepared. Time runs out much faster than you intend in many lives, and I want you to be informed of this.
When you reach your mid-teen years you will feel like your life is falling apart. It's really not. Teenagers always make everything more dramatic than they need to be, believe me, I have been there. You will be fine and you will survive. I know you won't feel that way when everything bad seems to be happening at once, but it will be ok. You just need to turn to the devotionals that people will give you as gifts, and your Bible. Someday you will find your favorite verse, and it will mean something completely different to you then, than it does right now.
You will lose many loved ones throughout your life, few of which you will be prepared for. Some will be instantaneous and short, completely unexpected, while others will be a slow process, and welcomed by some who are prepared to meet their maker. As I said before, It will never be easy to lose a loved one, but eventually, you will understand why God takes people when. Everyone has a purpose on this earth, and everyone fulfills that purpose at a different time.
I also ask you to become more conscious of your blessings. A popular quote for me lately has been "What if you woke up today with the only things you thanked God for yesterday?".. Count your blessings, and thank God for them. Without God, they would not be. Some things are blessings in disguise. They may not seem to be blessings, but pure torture at the time, but God has planned everything in your life for a reason. Someday, maybe soon maybe a long time in the future, you will see certain events as blessings.
I pray and hope that someday this letter means something to you.
Love,
22 Year Old Roslyn
Dear 12 Year Old Roslyn,
I know you don't know me, at least not yet. I know you don't trust people that you don't know, but I need you to trust me now. You will grow up to become a completely different person that you have planned for your life.
I know you take a lot of stuff for granted. You don't enjoy those family events, although you act like you do, you would rather be out with your sheep and dog. I know how much Ruby, Sparky, and Lady have always meant to you. Believe me, you will cherish those family times in the future. I know your three little siblings drive you nuts, get you in trouble, and "ruin your life", but you will come to cherish the time you have with them in the future as well.
Many people come into your life, and they remain there for an entire lifetime. I just want you to know that people come into your life and leave much sooner than you expect as well. I will never be easy to lose a loved one, but you will some day understand that living a full life doesn't always take 60+ years to be fulfilled. I just hope you realize this and cherish the time you have with each and every person in your life. Some may be gone before you are prepared. Time runs out much faster than you intend in many lives, and I want you to be informed of this.
When you reach your mid-teen years you will feel like your life is falling apart. It's really not. Teenagers always make everything more dramatic than they need to be, believe me, I have been there. You will be fine and you will survive. I know you won't feel that way when everything bad seems to be happening at once, but it will be ok. You just need to turn to the devotionals that people will give you as gifts, and your Bible. Someday you will find your favorite verse, and it will mean something completely different to you then, than it does right now.
You will lose many loved ones throughout your life, few of which you will be prepared for. Some will be instantaneous and short, completely unexpected, while others will be a slow process, and welcomed by some who are prepared to meet their maker. As I said before, It will never be easy to lose a loved one, but eventually, you will understand why God takes people when. Everyone has a purpose on this earth, and everyone fulfills that purpose at a different time.
I also ask you to become more conscious of your blessings. A popular quote for me lately has been "What if you woke up today with the only things you thanked God for yesterday?".. Count your blessings, and thank God for them. Without God, they would not be. Some things are blessings in disguise. They may not seem to be blessings, but pure torture at the time, but God has planned everything in your life for a reason. Someday, maybe soon maybe a long time in the future, you will see certain events as blessings.
I pray and hope that someday this letter means something to you.
Love,
22 Year Old Roslyn
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Paiges Photo Book
Start your own Shutterfly Photo Book today.
My dad wanted photos made from Paige. We decided that making a photo book would be just as beneficial for him, then he can show it off to people. This is what I came up with and ordered for my dad. Hopefully you all like it!
Monday, February 25, 2013
8 Weeks and Counting
It seems like yesterday, but it's been 8 weeks.
8 weeks of empty arms, a few sleepless nights, and many broken wishes and dreams.
It doesn't seem like it has been a whole 8 weeks since Paige was born.
Brad and I went home this weekend to spend Sunday with some friends watching the Daytona 500. Brad also hadn't met little Allison yet, so he needed to do that since she is 5 weeks old already! Saturday afternoon Brad and the guys went out shooting clay pigeons and live pigeons. While they were out having a good time, Tiffany, Allison, and myself enjoyed the afternoon in the house making a cake for the race. We had a great time baking creatively. I got to chill out with Miss. Allison, which was nice. I love baby time. As much as I wish Paige was here for me to enjoy, Miss Allison gives me some of that "baby" experience that I am missing out on. I really do enjoy being with her.
After the guys were done with their fun and the women with ours, we cooked a TON of shrimp jambalaya. Ugh. DELISH. THAT was the best food I have had in a long time! It was a tad bit spicy for me, but mmmmm was it good.
Sunday morning we went for breakfast at the Punt's house and I joined Cathy on a trip to church. It was nice to see Pastor Jeremy again and talk with a few people about the job hunt and how things are going on the home front.
After Church, Brad and I were off to Cory's house for the Daytona 500. Mike and Tiff brought a delicious Tator Tot Casserole and I brought the cake! Little Miss Allison and I also enjoyed more bonding time at Cory's and we even wore our matching Sock Monkey hats!!
Sunday night, shortly before leaving town, Cathy called us over for a quick visit before we left. She had a memorial thing made for Paige. She was thinking about placing it by her grave. We haven't decided on what we are going to do for a gravestone yet, but we will get there eventually. I was thinking about stopping by the grave yesterday on our way out from Cory's house, but just the thought of stopping almost ripped me into two again. I know that in time I will be ready to visit it. That time is just not quite yet. I know we will eventually have to do something for a gravestone or memorial, but, the time is yet to come. We will get there.
Even thought it seems like yesterday, these past 8 weeks have been dragging on slowly. I am still waiting to hear back from BI about the job that I interviewed for. I am applying for the actual job this week, hopefully. With the trailer sold, we also will hopefully be moving our stuff out within the next couple of weeks. Now we just need to get on with the house hunt. Either in NW Iowa or down in Anita. Depending on my job situation. We will see!
<3 nbsp="" p="" roz="">
8 weeks of empty arms, a few sleepless nights, and many broken wishes and dreams.
It doesn't seem like it has been a whole 8 weeks since Paige was born.
Brad and I went home this weekend to spend Sunday with some friends watching the Daytona 500. Brad also hadn't met little Allison yet, so he needed to do that since she is 5 weeks old already! Saturday afternoon Brad and the guys went out shooting clay pigeons and live pigeons. While they were out having a good time, Tiffany, Allison, and myself enjoyed the afternoon in the house making a cake for the race. We had a great time baking creatively. I got to chill out with Miss. Allison, which was nice. I love baby time. As much as I wish Paige was here for me to enjoy, Miss Allison gives me some of that "baby" experience that I am missing out on. I really do enjoy being with her.
After the guys were done with their fun and the women with ours, we cooked a TON of shrimp jambalaya. Ugh. DELISH. THAT was the best food I have had in a long time! It was a tad bit spicy for me, but mmmmm was it good.
Sunday morning we went for breakfast at the Punt's house and I joined Cathy on a trip to church. It was nice to see Pastor Jeremy again and talk with a few people about the job hunt and how things are going on the home front.
After Church, Brad and I were off to Cory's house for the Daytona 500. Mike and Tiff brought a delicious Tator Tot Casserole and I brought the cake! Little Miss Allison and I also enjoyed more bonding time at Cory's and we even wore our matching Sock Monkey hats!!
Sunday night, shortly before leaving town, Cathy called us over for a quick visit before we left. She had a memorial thing made for Paige. She was thinking about placing it by her grave. We haven't decided on what we are going to do for a gravestone yet, but we will get there eventually. I was thinking about stopping by the grave yesterday on our way out from Cory's house, but just the thought of stopping almost ripped me into two again. I know that in time I will be ready to visit it. That time is just not quite yet. I know we will eventually have to do something for a gravestone or memorial, but, the time is yet to come. We will get there.
Even thought it seems like yesterday, these past 8 weeks have been dragging on slowly. I am still waiting to hear back from BI about the job that I interviewed for. I am applying for the actual job this week, hopefully. With the trailer sold, we also will hopefully be moving our stuff out within the next couple of weeks. Now we just need to get on with the house hunt. Either in NW Iowa or down in Anita. Depending on my job situation. We will see!
<3 nbsp="" p="" roz="">
Thursday, February 21, 2013
SOLD!!!
This past week has been a week of "rollercoastering" emotions.
It has been amazing to have my Hubby home with me these past 4 days straight. The circumstances on why he is home, not the greatest, but at least we have gotten some quality time together.
Last Saturday we had a couple come and look at the house. They really liked the place and wanted to sleep on the decision for a few days.
Sunday I set off to Des Moines to go visit Brad at the Iowa Beef Expo. I took my side-kick Shepp along with me for the ride. I thought it would be good for her to get out and about. Maddie ended up staying home... she wouldn't have enjoyed the activities for the day. Shepp loved it. We started off at the Expo, Shepp played with Brad and the guys for a bit and then we hit the road to Montour, Iowa.
Brad and I started pulling insulation off of the under-belly of the house first thing Monday morning. Talk about a miserable job. We got about 3/4 of the old insulation pulled off. We ran to Lowe's Monday afternoon to pick up Blue-Board insulation, and that was what we replaced the old insulation with.
Tuesday morning, Maddie decided that Brad wasn't allowed to get up off the bed. She was too busy cuddling with him to allow that. What a stinker.
It has been amazing to have my Hubby home with me these past 4 days straight. The circumstances on why he is home, not the greatest, but at least we have gotten some quality time together.
Last Saturday we had a couple come and look at the house. They really liked the place and wanted to sleep on the decision for a few days.
Sunday I set off to Des Moines to go visit Brad at the Iowa Beef Expo. I took my side-kick Shepp along with me for the ride. I thought it would be good for her to get out and about. Maddie ended up staying home... she wouldn't have enjoyed the activities for the day. Shepp loved it. We started off at the Expo, Shepp played with Brad and the guys for a bit and then we hit the road to Montour, Iowa.
My "One year younger twin", Laura, had invited me to go shed hunting with her and a few other friends. Of course I jumped on the opportunity to go spend some quality time with her since I haven't seen a lot of her since leaving Ames. Shepp was along with me, but we left her tied up outside at Laura's house while we wend shed hunting at the river. It was a good thing we left Shepp that time too. So many thorn bushes and weeds. She would have been tangled in everything!! When we went back to Laura's house we went hunting back in the tree's behind their house, Shepp enjoyed a nice little Ranger ride out to the trees, and even got to help mama shed hunt for a few hours before dark. :) Shepp loved EVERY moment of it!
At the river... we saw 2 opossums... one played dead while the other one skidaddled up a tree in a very fast manner!
Shepp and our FIRST shed ever! Nice 4 pointer! Pretty chewed up though!
Both of my first sheds. 4 Pointer on the left, 5 Pointer on the right. The Right one still had blood on the root of it when I picked it up!
The crew's finds for the day. The two on the bottom were a pair, the one was really chewed up though.
Brad and I started pulling insulation off of the under-belly of the house first thing Monday morning. Talk about a miserable job. We got about 3/4 of the old insulation pulled off. We ran to Lowe's Monday afternoon to pick up Blue-Board insulation, and that was what we replaced the old insulation with.
Tuesday morning, Maddie decided that Brad wasn't allowed to get up off the bed. She was too busy cuddling with him to allow that. What a stinker.
Tuesday was once again spent under the house. We started putting the blue-board insulation up onto the belly of the trailer, and we ripped out the rest of the old insulation that was still in. The plumber also came for the afternoon to fix a few more leaky spots in the water pipes, and we declared him done at 7:30 PM. Tuesday night the couple that had looked at the place came to sign a contract and to purchase the house. They made a non-refundable down-payment, and will be purchasing the trailer within the next month, as soon as their house loan goes through. So: the trailer is SOLD! :) As of March, we are no longer trailer house owners! :)
Yesterday was spent under the house once again. We FINISHED putting up the new insulation, and I got to experience the wonders of expanda-foam. I had it in my hair, on my hands, on my face, my coat and snow-pants are COVERED in it... On the bright side, we know the trailer is sealed up tight!
So: Then we come to today... SNOW DAY... ... We were figuring it on snowing last night, so we hurried butt to get the trailer work done yesterday, so we were planning on just sitting in the house today. Brad was hoping to work on his truck, but not if it is going to SNOW! :( It would be nice to have the truck fixed and have two vehicles again. We will see.
All that is left to do here at the house is fix a few minor things and we are done! It was nice that Brad got the week off to help me get this place in selling condition. (Thanks Babe!)
I suppose... it's time to go figure something out for lunch!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
National Lovers Day
Ok, Ok.
I admit. I'm a pansy and the flowers I got from Brad yesterday brought tears to my eye's.
As frustrated and exhausted as I was on Thursday, it was nice to receive that "special delivery" in the afternoon as a pick-me-up. Even though Brad knew I was upset with him for not being here to help me fix the plumbing issue in the house and to get it ready to show to potential buyers tonight, he sent me a huge bouquet of pink, white, and pink tipped roses, AND a brown fuzzy teddy bear. <3 nbsp="" p="">
I think Brad has started a tradition that I am A-OK with! A Teddy and a Dozen Roses for V-Day. :) Even though I'm not a flower person, I'll take them on V-Day.
I admit. I'm a pansy and the flowers I got from Brad yesterday brought tears to my eye's.
As frustrated and exhausted as I was on Thursday, it was nice to receive that "special delivery" in the afternoon as a pick-me-up. Even though Brad knew I was upset with him for not being here to help me fix the plumbing issue in the house and to get it ready to show to potential buyers tonight, he sent me a huge bouquet of pink, white, and pink tipped roses, AND a brown fuzzy teddy bear. <3 nbsp="" p="">
I think Brad has started a tradition that I am A-OK with! A Teddy and a Dozen Roses for V-Day. :) Even though I'm not a flower person, I'll take them on V-Day.
Waterworks...
It's official.
I was never meant to become a plumber.
Wednesday morning I made the trek back to good ol' Ames.... Just to find out that a few of our water pipes FROZE and BURST....
"911, what is your emergency?"
....
Brad of course had to work, and was in grand ol' Anita, so I had to privilege of calling a plumber, who was busy for the day. So, Wednesday afternoon I managed to shut off the main water line, then I had to rip out about 30 square feet of insulation off of the trailer belly to find the leaks. The plumber came first thing Thursday morning to work on the pipes, and he replaced a few elbow's and T's in the plumbing, but then he didn't manage to get everything done so he had to come back yesterday morning to finish it off. A week and a half's worth of Brad's salary later, the plumber packed up his bags and left.
In the mean time, I had to rip out a wall in one of the bathrooms to get to a pipe that was leaking inside of the wall. So now I have a huge gaping hole in one of the bathrooms... Eeek. Brad wasn't very impressed with that, but I guess that's what happens when you leave a woman to do a mans job??
Brad's aunt, Amy, came to Ames Wed, Thurs, and Fri all day to help me get the house clean and picked up and to be with me while the plumber was around, working on the place. The past two and a half years we have lived here I have plaid painter, carpenter, electrician, exterminator, and now plumber. I have many new life skills thanks to this place!
On the bright side, it turns out we actually have a person interested in looking at the place. One of my classmates at ISU is graduating in May and got accepted into Vet School here in town so she is looking for a trailer to buy. She contacted me Tuesday (before I knew about the water leak), and we had made arrangements for her to see the house this weekend.
Ends up it wasn't the greatest timing, but I guess they will just have to understand that the house is "currently under repair." Brad and I will be replacing the belly liner of the trailer this coming week also, since we had to pull a majority of the insulation out of under there in order to get to the water pipes. I feel like I have dumped more money into this trailer in the past week than we have the entire time we have lived here! Good thing we are selling the place and will at least get our money back!
On the bright side, we are soon getting rid of the place! Even if we don't get as much as we hope to, I am excited to be nearing the end of the road. This house was our first purchase as a newly married couple, it was our first home, and it has been a pain in our buts at random times, but it's been our home. I will be sad to see it go, but I am excited to get rid of it at the same time. Like any house, there has been a lot of repairs and management stuff that we have had to do, hopefully the next tenants don't have to deal with the same stuff we have! Hopefully by now the place is good to go for another few years! :) We will see!
Wish us luck on the selling process! :)
Roz
I was never meant to become a plumber.
Wednesday morning I made the trek back to good ol' Ames.... Just to find out that a few of our water pipes FROZE and BURST....
"911, what is your emergency?"
....
Brad of course had to work, and was in grand ol' Anita, so I had to privilege of calling a plumber, who was busy for the day. So, Wednesday afternoon I managed to shut off the main water line, then I had to rip out about 30 square feet of insulation off of the trailer belly to find the leaks. The plumber came first thing Thursday morning to work on the pipes, and he replaced a few elbow's and T's in the plumbing, but then he didn't manage to get everything done so he had to come back yesterday morning to finish it off. A week and a half's worth of Brad's salary later, the plumber packed up his bags and left.
In the mean time, I had to rip out a wall in one of the bathrooms to get to a pipe that was leaking inside of the wall. So now I have a huge gaping hole in one of the bathrooms... Eeek. Brad wasn't very impressed with that, but I guess that's what happens when you leave a woman to do a mans job??
Brad's aunt, Amy, came to Ames Wed, Thurs, and Fri all day to help me get the house clean and picked up and to be with me while the plumber was around, working on the place. The past two and a half years we have lived here I have plaid painter, carpenter, electrician, exterminator, and now plumber. I have many new life skills thanks to this place!
On the bright side, it turns out we actually have a person interested in looking at the place. One of my classmates at ISU is graduating in May and got accepted into Vet School here in town so she is looking for a trailer to buy. She contacted me Tuesday (before I knew about the water leak), and we had made arrangements for her to see the house this weekend.
Ends up it wasn't the greatest timing, but I guess they will just have to understand that the house is "currently under repair." Brad and I will be replacing the belly liner of the trailer this coming week also, since we had to pull a majority of the insulation out of under there in order to get to the water pipes. I feel like I have dumped more money into this trailer in the past week than we have the entire time we have lived here! Good thing we are selling the place and will at least get our money back!
On the bright side, we are soon getting rid of the place! Even if we don't get as much as we hope to, I am excited to be nearing the end of the road. This house was our first purchase as a newly married couple, it was our first home, and it has been a pain in our buts at random times, but it's been our home. I will be sad to see it go, but I am excited to get rid of it at the same time. Like any house, there has been a lot of repairs and management stuff that we have had to do, hopefully the next tenants don't have to deal with the same stuff we have! Hopefully by now the place is good to go for another few years! :) We will see!
Wish us luck on the selling process! :)
Roz
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Jealous Of The Angels
Last week Wednesday afternoon Brad had left with a couple of his co-workers to Fort Worth, Texas for the stock show. Recently I've been finding it very difficult to be alone, on my own. I get lonely, even with the two dogs for entertainment, and a few people running around and about on the farm. I feel completely alone when Brad is gone. There's nothing to do here. I have no friends. I have no job. No cable, no internet (besides my phone), nothing. Everything I know and enjoy is in Ames or Sioux County.
It's been very difficult for me recently, letting Brad travel the continental US. It's not even JUST the fact that I get lonely and bored here alone, but also the fact that I feel so, overwhelmingly protective. Brad feels like I'm running his life recently. I admit. I am a little overwhelming lately. But I can't help but feel that way. Tight now I physically and mentally feel like I should be caring for a baby. Instead I'm sitting here caring for my sick self, sleeping the days away, all by myself. Not only am I spiritually confused, but emotionally, mentally, physically. It's all confusing for me.
Sunday evening I had to run to Omaha to pick up Brad from the Airport. He had been in Texas since Thursday, and I was more than ready for him to return to Iowa. Everything feels almost complete when Brad is here. I don't feel like all of me is floating around in space. On my ride to Omaha, a song popped up on the radio that I don't think I've ever heard.
"Jealous of the Angels" by Jenn Bostic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBg9btpGqKU
I didn't know today would be our last
Or that I'd have to say goodbye to you so fast
I'm so numb, I can't feel anymore
Prayin' you'd just walk back through that door
And tell me that I was only dreamin'
You're not really gone as long as I believe
There will be another angel
Around the throne tonight
Your love lives on inside of me,
And I will hold on tight
It's not my place to question,
Only God knows why
I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne tonight
You always made my troubles feel so small
And you were always there to catch me when I'd fall
In a world where heroes come and go
Well God just took the only one I know
So I'll hold you as close as I can
Longing for the day, when I see your face again
But until then
God must need another angel
Around the throne tonight
Your love lives on inside of me
And I will hold on tight
It's not my place to question
Only God knows why
I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne tonight
Singin' hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne
Tonight
This song brought tears to my eyes. It describes a very strong emotion that runs through my blood lately. Jealousy. This song nails it. I am jealous of the angels around the throne. God took the only one who was there to listen to me 24-7. The only one who would put up with me no matter what. The one who made my problems and complaints disappear. My peace. My love. My child, my daughter. I'm jealous because the angels get to spend every waking moment with my baby. I'm jealous because so many other parent's get to care for their babies, while I'm stuck here empty handed. I'm jealous because so many others get to experience exactly what I cannot. I wish, so bad, I could hold her, feed her, change her stinky-poopy diaper. But I can't.
Like the song says, "It's not my place to question, only God knows why." I don't understand why. Nobody ever truly understands why God puts us through what he does. We just understand he had a reason. For some reason He wanted us to suffer a little more, right along with Him. We weren't the only one's who lost Paige. He did too. It hurts Him, just like it hurts us. I just wish I could understand why. What is He trying to tell me? First my brother. Then my parent's divorce. Now Paige. What is He trying to make me see? Am I so blind that all these things must keep happening to my life? What is it?! I'm not really sure, but I am sure attempting to figure it out.
It just sucks. Our other best friends are preparing for their baby to come within the next couple of weeks. Another emotional roller coaster that I get to enjoy. I am so glad though that none of our friends had to experience this journey. It is just so hard I would never wish it upon my worst enemy. I love hearing stories about everyone's babies though, and seeing pictures of them. It's hard. It really is, but It's helping me heal also. It's nice to know that we have so many good friends who are willing to let me be involved in their babies lives since I can't be physically involved in my own.
I will get through it! Music has been my therapy lately, as well as blogging. I don't blog as often as I used to, but I'm trying. I feel so repetitive blogging about the same thing over and over. I'm afraid you readers are going to get bored. :-/ Maybe I'm wrong... but still.
Until next time, XOXO Roz
It's been very difficult for me recently, letting Brad travel the continental US. It's not even JUST the fact that I get lonely and bored here alone, but also the fact that I feel so, overwhelmingly protective. Brad feels like I'm running his life recently. I admit. I am a little overwhelming lately. But I can't help but feel that way. Tight now I physically and mentally feel like I should be caring for a baby. Instead I'm sitting here caring for my sick self, sleeping the days away, all by myself. Not only am I spiritually confused, but emotionally, mentally, physically. It's all confusing for me.
Sunday evening I had to run to Omaha to pick up Brad from the Airport. He had been in Texas since Thursday, and I was more than ready for him to return to Iowa. Everything feels almost complete when Brad is here. I don't feel like all of me is floating around in space. On my ride to Omaha, a song popped up on the radio that I don't think I've ever heard.
"Jealous of the Angels" by Jenn Bostic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBg9btpGqKU
I didn't know today would be our last
Or that I'd have to say goodbye to you so fast
I'm so numb, I can't feel anymore
Prayin' you'd just walk back through that door
And tell me that I was only dreamin'
You're not really gone as long as I believe
There will be another angel
Around the throne tonight
Your love lives on inside of me,
And I will hold on tight
It's not my place to question,
Only God knows why
I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne tonight
You always made my troubles feel so small
And you were always there to catch me when I'd fall
In a world where heroes come and go
Well God just took the only one I know
So I'll hold you as close as I can
Longing for the day, when I see your face again
But until then
God must need another angel
Around the throne tonight
Your love lives on inside of me
And I will hold on tight
It's not my place to question
Only God knows why
I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne tonight
Singin' hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne
Tonight
This song brought tears to my eyes. It describes a very strong emotion that runs through my blood lately. Jealousy. This song nails it. I am jealous of the angels around the throne. God took the only one who was there to listen to me 24-7. The only one who would put up with me no matter what. The one who made my problems and complaints disappear. My peace. My love. My child, my daughter. I'm jealous because the angels get to spend every waking moment with my baby. I'm jealous because so many other parent's get to care for their babies, while I'm stuck here empty handed. I'm jealous because so many others get to experience exactly what I cannot. I wish, so bad, I could hold her, feed her, change her stinky-poopy diaper. But I can't.
Like the song says, "It's not my place to question, only God knows why." I don't understand why. Nobody ever truly understands why God puts us through what he does. We just understand he had a reason. For some reason He wanted us to suffer a little more, right along with Him. We weren't the only one's who lost Paige. He did too. It hurts Him, just like it hurts us. I just wish I could understand why. What is He trying to tell me? First my brother. Then my parent's divorce. Now Paige. What is He trying to make me see? Am I so blind that all these things must keep happening to my life? What is it?! I'm not really sure, but I am sure attempting to figure it out.
It just sucks. Our other best friends are preparing for their baby to come within the next couple of weeks. Another emotional roller coaster that I get to enjoy. I am so glad though that none of our friends had to experience this journey. It is just so hard I would never wish it upon my worst enemy. I love hearing stories about everyone's babies though, and seeing pictures of them. It's hard. It really is, but It's helping me heal also. It's nice to know that we have so many good friends who are willing to let me be involved in their babies lives since I can't be physically involved in my own.
I will get through it! Music has been my therapy lately, as well as blogging. I don't blog as often as I used to, but I'm trying. I feel so repetitive blogging about the same thing over and over. I'm afraid you readers are going to get bored. :-/ Maybe I'm wrong... but still.
Until next time, XOXO Roz
Friday, February 8, 2013
Sick... If that's what they call this.
So, today I went and visited the Dr. for the second time in the past 2 weeks. I have officially had this "crud" that nobody can seem to get out of my system for 13 days. Yuck.
Brad has been sick with the same thing for nearly 3 1/2 weeks... If I still have it in another week I will probably be on my death bed. I seriously haven't even wanted to get out of bed for the past 3 days because of this crud.
Plugged sinuses, throbbing ears that squeak whenever I blow my nose, hickup, or even burp, lime green, goopy snot that covers every single kleenex that I use. It's absolutely nasty. On top of that I have a serious tension head ache that absolutely won't go away unless I put something cold on my forehead. Then there's the coughing up nothing. With a raw throat, I officially can barely talk. It hurts to even swallow now. Other stuff that's driving me nuts are the hot flashes that have formed within the past 24 hours. Last night I was HOT, then I was Cold, then I was HOT, then Cold etc. Supposedly the Dr. said this was all a part of the crud that I am sick with. She said its actually very common right now and she has seen a lot of this crud come through the clinic.
January 28th I went to the Dr. for the first time. He put me on a Z-Pack that consisted of 500 mg of Amoxiciliin for 3 days. Today, a different Dr. decided that that wasn't strong enough so she upped my medication to two, 825 mg Amoxicilin pills for 10 days. Horse Pills. That's what they are! Not only are they hard to swallow due to the elongated, ginormous shape they are in, but they make my stomach hurt too. The Dr. said the side effects of such a strong antibiotic is that it will make my stomach ache... So... soup it is for me for the next 10 days it looks like. ...yum.... :s
On the bright side, I have lost 18 pounds since the day Paige was born. I think a majority of this is due to stress, but also being sick has slowed my appetite for much food. I still have a goal of being down to my pre-pregnancy weight by the end of March... only 15 pounds to go! I bought myself a membership to the gym here in Anita and have been working out religiously for the past few days. Even with being sick, it feels pretty ok to get out and about and go for a little spin on the eliptical for 40 minutes a day. I haven't been pushing myself too hard, as I am sick and getting short of breath really hurts my throat, but I am working on it!
Brad is still sick also. But, being a stubborn man he is, refuses to go see the Dr. grrr... If he's going to keep complaining about being sick I'm going to start blaming himself for it because he's not going to get any better until he gets put on some med's too... Men... The longer he is sick, the longer I'm going to be exposed to the crud, and I could go without being sick any longer!
I've literally been laying in bed for the past 3 days. Brad left for Fort Worth, TX on Wednesday and I was left here all alone at the bunk house. It's not awful because I can sleep as much as I want and nobody can give me crap for it, but at the same time it's deathly boring with no internet (besides my phone's wifi hot spot which is grudgingly slow), and no TV besides the movies and TV show seasons that I own... It's starting to get pretty boring here. Even the dogs are getting bored with cuddling. Maddie NEVER turns down cuddle time... but today she did. I let them run outside, but I don't like to stand out there in the cold, especially when I feel like this. Today I just let them run in the barn with all of the doors closed, but Maddie and Shepp had found a fresh pile of manure and decided it was delicious for lunch and for a "dirt bath"... gross. What's with dog's and manure?!?!
Oh well. Only a few more weeks.
I am still waiting to hear back from BI in Sioux Center about the job that I interviewed for. They said the position isn't available until the end of the month, so I'm sure they aren't even close to making a decision yet. On the bright side, just in case I don't get that job, AMVC in Audubon has decided to hire me in a 2400 sow unit to assist in their farrowing department. It's not a 4 1/2 years of college, 2 degrees type of job, but it's a job for now. You can always work your way up! I'm still hoping and praying to hear good news back from BI, but I'm glad to have a back up plan just in case the news isn't to my favor. I look forward to getting back to work... laying around all day is really starting to get to me.
It's been hard for me lately, having so much time on my hands. It really gets my brain going, and I can't ever get it to turn off. I'm really starting to miss Paige, realizing that in just a few short weeks we would have been welcoming her into our lives. As the weeks get closer to my due date, the more it seems real that she isn't here anymore. I'm getting through it one day at a time. The worst days are when Brad is gone and I feel all alone. He is really busy when he travels and doesn't have a lot of time to talk to me or text me throughout the day, which makes me feel ignored a lot of the time. I know he's working his butt off though since I am currently unemployed. It's just hard to be left all alone in a boring place. There's the good days and there's the bad. I just need to keep reminding myself that the good outweighs the bad.
I also look forward to the future and having another kid. Brad always swore that he was never having kids, and now he's excited to have another one. Like I've said in recent posts, we're not planning Baby Punt #2, but are willing it to happen when God has it planned. Maybe that's this month, maybe it's in a year. We just look forward to having another child and being parent's in a different sense than we are now.
Well, that's all I have for now. I think it's time for some more soup... the tummy is starting to growl! Eek.
Brad has been sick with the same thing for nearly 3 1/2 weeks... If I still have it in another week I will probably be on my death bed. I seriously haven't even wanted to get out of bed for the past 3 days because of this crud.
Plugged sinuses, throbbing ears that squeak whenever I blow my nose, hickup, or even burp, lime green, goopy snot that covers every single kleenex that I use. It's absolutely nasty. On top of that I have a serious tension head ache that absolutely won't go away unless I put something cold on my forehead. Then there's the coughing up nothing. With a raw throat, I officially can barely talk. It hurts to even swallow now. Other stuff that's driving me nuts are the hot flashes that have formed within the past 24 hours. Last night I was HOT, then I was Cold, then I was HOT, then Cold etc. Supposedly the Dr. said this was all a part of the crud that I am sick with. She said its actually very common right now and she has seen a lot of this crud come through the clinic.
January 28th I went to the Dr. for the first time. He put me on a Z-Pack that consisted of 500 mg of Amoxiciliin for 3 days. Today, a different Dr. decided that that wasn't strong enough so she upped my medication to two, 825 mg Amoxicilin pills for 10 days. Horse Pills. That's what they are! Not only are they hard to swallow due to the elongated, ginormous shape they are in, but they make my stomach hurt too. The Dr. said the side effects of such a strong antibiotic is that it will make my stomach ache... So... soup it is for me for the next 10 days it looks like. ...yum.... :s
On the bright side, I have lost 18 pounds since the day Paige was born. I think a majority of this is due to stress, but also being sick has slowed my appetite for much food. I still have a goal of being down to my pre-pregnancy weight by the end of March... only 15 pounds to go! I bought myself a membership to the gym here in Anita and have been working out religiously for the past few days. Even with being sick, it feels pretty ok to get out and about and go for a little spin on the eliptical for 40 minutes a day. I haven't been pushing myself too hard, as I am sick and getting short of breath really hurts my throat, but I am working on it!
Brad is still sick also. But, being a stubborn man he is, refuses to go see the Dr. grrr... If he's going to keep complaining about being sick I'm going to start blaming himself for it because he's not going to get any better until he gets put on some med's too... Men... The longer he is sick, the longer I'm going to be exposed to the crud, and I could go without being sick any longer!
I've literally been laying in bed for the past 3 days. Brad left for Fort Worth, TX on Wednesday and I was left here all alone at the bunk house. It's not awful because I can sleep as much as I want and nobody can give me crap for it, but at the same time it's deathly boring with no internet (besides my phone's wifi hot spot which is grudgingly slow), and no TV besides the movies and TV show seasons that I own... It's starting to get pretty boring here. Even the dogs are getting bored with cuddling. Maddie NEVER turns down cuddle time... but today she did. I let them run outside, but I don't like to stand out there in the cold, especially when I feel like this. Today I just let them run in the barn with all of the doors closed, but Maddie and Shepp had found a fresh pile of manure and decided it was delicious for lunch and for a "dirt bath"... gross. What's with dog's and manure?!?!
Oh well. Only a few more weeks.
I am still waiting to hear back from BI in Sioux Center about the job that I interviewed for. They said the position isn't available until the end of the month, so I'm sure they aren't even close to making a decision yet. On the bright side, just in case I don't get that job, AMVC in Audubon has decided to hire me in a 2400 sow unit to assist in their farrowing department. It's not a 4 1/2 years of college, 2 degrees type of job, but it's a job for now. You can always work your way up! I'm still hoping and praying to hear good news back from BI, but I'm glad to have a back up plan just in case the news isn't to my favor. I look forward to getting back to work... laying around all day is really starting to get to me.
It's been hard for me lately, having so much time on my hands. It really gets my brain going, and I can't ever get it to turn off. I'm really starting to miss Paige, realizing that in just a few short weeks we would have been welcoming her into our lives. As the weeks get closer to my due date, the more it seems real that she isn't here anymore. I'm getting through it one day at a time. The worst days are when Brad is gone and I feel all alone. He is really busy when he travels and doesn't have a lot of time to talk to me or text me throughout the day, which makes me feel ignored a lot of the time. I know he's working his butt off though since I am currently unemployed. It's just hard to be left all alone in a boring place. There's the good days and there's the bad. I just need to keep reminding myself that the good outweighs the bad.
I also look forward to the future and having another kid. Brad always swore that he was never having kids, and now he's excited to have another one. Like I've said in recent posts, we're not planning Baby Punt #2, but are willing it to happen when God has it planned. Maybe that's this month, maybe it's in a year. We just look forward to having another child and being parent's in a different sense than we are now.
Well, that's all I have for now. I think it's time for some more soup... the tummy is starting to growl! Eek.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
What Would Be 34 Weeks...
Well.
Five long AND short weeks have past since the events that occurred. I'm still deleting emails from maternity websites that send you "updates" on where your pregnancy is at, realizing today would be our 34th week. Mike and Tiffany's little girl Allison has been welcomed to the world and is a great addition to their family. Matt and Nikita are expecting their bundle of pink within the next couple weeks as well. Brad and I are hoping to make a trip out to Rapid City after baby "grey", as they refer to her as, makes her appearance.
34 Weeks.
I couldn't imagine the agony I would be in right now. I already felt big before delivering Paige 5 weeks ago, I couldn't imagine what I would feel and look like now. I'm sure I would be bedridden with back pain, swollen ankles, and a lot of anxiety about the road I was getting close to traveling down. I just can't believe I would be 34 weeks today. These past few weeks have drug slowly on by, but yet seems to be over in the blink of an eye. I can't believe yesterday was 5 weeks since Paige was born.
I still miss her a lot, but I'm getting a lot better at accepting different things that I know I won't experience with her. I just find peace in knowing that some day I will once hold her in my arms again. Someday our family will be all re-united once more.
On a bright note, I was offered a temporary job position today. This could turn into a long term job also, depending on the news from the other place that I applied at.
Yesterday I went and interviewed with Boehringer- Ingelheim Vetmedica in Sioux Center. I thought that the interview went well and I am really looking forward to hearing back from them. They actually interviewed me before they even opened the job up for applications, so I'm not sure if that's a good sign or what??? :s But that job will be available at the end of the month, so I knew it would be a few more weeks before hearing back from them. I also had an interview with AMVC working in one of their farrowing houses. This is the temp job that I am going to be starting soon, hopefully. They had to get a for-sure "ok" from the main office for me to work for the time being, even if it is just a few weeks, until I get a yes/no from BI. The farm manager was very understanding about me taking the BI job if I'm offered it. I worked with AMVC over the summer as an intern and I really enjoyed it. I look forward to spending some time back there again with some pigs and people. It's not my dream job, but it's a job for now. I'm really just waiting to hear back from BI about that position.
I know many of you are curious then, about how that would work with me working in Sioux Center and Brad having a job in Anita. Brad and I have both decided that IF I am offered the job in SC then I will take it and the two of us will be moving back up to NW Iowa. It might not be Sioux County, but it will be close enough that I don't have to commute too far each day (Le Mars, Rock Valley, Sheldon, who knows). So, if anyone knows of any decent houses that are rent-to-own or for sale in the area, let us know! :)
If I end up not getting the job at BI then I will continue looking for something that my degree can assist me with. I will continue working at AMVC in the farrowing facility until I find another job that is really within my interest. Brad will then continue working in Anita at Trausch until something else in my career path pops up.
We're just riding the highway that God has laid out for us, enjoying the view as we go.
Roz
Five long AND short weeks have past since the events that occurred. I'm still deleting emails from maternity websites that send you "updates" on where your pregnancy is at, realizing today would be our 34th week. Mike and Tiffany's little girl Allison has been welcomed to the world and is a great addition to their family. Matt and Nikita are expecting their bundle of pink within the next couple weeks as well. Brad and I are hoping to make a trip out to Rapid City after baby "grey", as they refer to her as, makes her appearance.
34 Weeks.
I couldn't imagine the agony I would be in right now. I already felt big before delivering Paige 5 weeks ago, I couldn't imagine what I would feel and look like now. I'm sure I would be bedridden with back pain, swollen ankles, and a lot of anxiety about the road I was getting close to traveling down. I just can't believe I would be 34 weeks today. These past few weeks have drug slowly on by, but yet seems to be over in the blink of an eye. I can't believe yesterday was 5 weeks since Paige was born.
I still miss her a lot, but I'm getting a lot better at accepting different things that I know I won't experience with her. I just find peace in knowing that some day I will once hold her in my arms again. Someday our family will be all re-united once more.
On a bright note, I was offered a temporary job position today. This could turn into a long term job also, depending on the news from the other place that I applied at.
Yesterday I went and interviewed with Boehringer- Ingelheim Vetmedica in Sioux Center. I thought that the interview went well and I am really looking forward to hearing back from them. They actually interviewed me before they even opened the job up for applications, so I'm not sure if that's a good sign or what??? :s But that job will be available at the end of the month, so I knew it would be a few more weeks before hearing back from them. I also had an interview with AMVC working in one of their farrowing houses. This is the temp job that I am going to be starting soon, hopefully. They had to get a for-sure "ok" from the main office for me to work for the time being, even if it is just a few weeks, until I get a yes/no from BI. The farm manager was very understanding about me taking the BI job if I'm offered it. I worked with AMVC over the summer as an intern and I really enjoyed it. I look forward to spending some time back there again with some pigs and people. It's not my dream job, but it's a job for now. I'm really just waiting to hear back from BI about that position.
I know many of you are curious then, about how that would work with me working in Sioux Center and Brad having a job in Anita. Brad and I have both decided that IF I am offered the job in SC then I will take it and the two of us will be moving back up to NW Iowa. It might not be Sioux County, but it will be close enough that I don't have to commute too far each day (Le Mars, Rock Valley, Sheldon, who knows). So, if anyone knows of any decent houses that are rent-to-own or for sale in the area, let us know! :)
If I end up not getting the job at BI then I will continue looking for something that my degree can assist me with. I will continue working at AMVC in the farrowing facility until I find another job that is really within my interest. Brad will then continue working in Anita at Trausch until something else in my career path pops up.
We're just riding the highway that God has laid out for us, enjoying the view as we go.
Roz
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Lessons in Disguise
Thursday afternoon I made the journey back North again to the County of Sioux. Brad was leaving for a cattle show for the weekend, I had nothing to do all weekend, so I figured "Why not?" Even with the cold, or whatever this crud is, that I have I ventured the 3 hour journey North in a vehicle half running.
I found out Thursday morning that my Escape had water in the fuel lines, which had frozen up in the -20 degree temperature outside. The best way to get it to run right again was to put some fuel additive in and run the tank empty... what better way to do that than a 3 hour road trip!?!? :)
Thursday night my father and I rode into Hospers for Mexican at "Boxcars", the bar. Had a few drinks, laughed some laughts, and told stories. Yesterday morning my mom colored my hair, as I was looking to do something new. I now have brown, red, and bleach blonde hair... but it's not as dramatic as it sounds. :) I actually really like it. Last night I went to the Unity Christian High School homecoming basketball game with my dad and my sisters. It was a good time to be back in the old halls of UCHS and to revisit many memories that were made throughout the halls and rooms. Cassie and Sara both laughed at some of the stories I was telling them. Oh well, so my high school memories are different than theirs! So what. After the basketball game the girls didn't feel like attending the homecoming dance so we went to the theatre and hit up the movie "Parental Guidance." .... TOTALLY worth seeing. It had a very good family based story with some very clean humor. Even though dad kept falling asleep (I guess 9:30 is past his bedtime) we all had quite the laughter coming from our bellies.
Today I went out for "coffee" with an old high school friend and again, we had a nice 1.5 hour chat about high school, work, and general life stories. It was a good time to catch up and be able to relax and share good times with each other.
My sisters and I ran to the library this afternoon to pick up some movies to watch tonight. We got the movie "Lion King 2." I don't recall seeing this movie before so I was okie dokie about it. While watching the movie a song called "We Are One" was playing as part of the movie and as I listened to the song, I realized what it was really saying...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk1lLtzTdIA
Colors:
When I got to thinking I realized that a simple children's movie had me amazed at the lessons that were hidden within it. I am almost excited to go out and rend a ton of Disney movies and watch them just to see the things that I never realized as a kid. The lessons hidden within the movies amaze me. I am excited to watch more kids movies so I can learn, as a 22 year old, the lessons of life.
I found out Thursday morning that my Escape had water in the fuel lines, which had frozen up in the -20 degree temperature outside. The best way to get it to run right again was to put some fuel additive in and run the tank empty... what better way to do that than a 3 hour road trip!?!? :)
Thursday night my father and I rode into Hospers for Mexican at "Boxcars", the bar. Had a few drinks, laughed some laughts, and told stories. Yesterday morning my mom colored my hair, as I was looking to do something new. I now have brown, red, and bleach blonde hair... but it's not as dramatic as it sounds. :) I actually really like it. Last night I went to the Unity Christian High School homecoming basketball game with my dad and my sisters. It was a good time to be back in the old halls of UCHS and to revisit many memories that were made throughout the halls and rooms. Cassie and Sara both laughed at some of the stories I was telling them. Oh well, so my high school memories are different than theirs! So what. After the basketball game the girls didn't feel like attending the homecoming dance so we went to the theatre and hit up the movie "Parental Guidance." .... TOTALLY worth seeing. It had a very good family based story with some very clean humor. Even though dad kept falling asleep (I guess 9:30 is past his bedtime) we all had quite the laughter coming from our bellies.
Today I went out for "coffee" with an old high school friend and again, we had a nice 1.5 hour chat about high school, work, and general life stories. It was a good time to catch up and be able to relax and share good times with each other.
My sisters and I ran to the library this afternoon to pick up some movies to watch tonight. We got the movie "Lion King 2." I don't recall seeing this movie before so I was okie dokie about it. While watching the movie a song called "We Are One" was playing as part of the movie and as I listened to the song, I realized what it was really saying...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk1lLtzTdIA
Colors:
- Simba
- Kiara
As you go through life you'll see There is so much that we Don't understand And the only thing we know Is things don't always go The way we planned But you'll see every day That we'll never turn away When it seems all your dreams come undone We will stand by your side Filled with hope and filled with pride We are more than we are We are one If there's so much I must be Can I still just be me The way I am? Can I trust in my own heart Or am I just one part Of some big plan? Even those who are gone Are with us as we go on Your journey has only begun Tears of pain, tears of joy One thing nothing can destroy Is our pride, deep inside We are one We are one, you and I We are like the earth and sky One family under the sun All the wisdom to lead All the courage that you need You will find when you see We are one
When I got to thinking I realized that a simple children's movie had me amazed at the lessons that were hidden within it. I am almost excited to go out and rend a ton of Disney movies and watch them just to see the things that I never realized as a kid. The lessons hidden within the movies amaze me. I am excited to watch more kids movies so I can learn, as a 22 year old, the lessons of life.
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