Dads first time being Solo

Although Mel is over 14 months old now, she's never been left home alone, with dad, for more than a few hours. This week is my first time being away from mel for more than over night... My first business trip out of state.... Where my baby girl isn't just up the road 25-30 miles at grandparents houses. Brad was left to fend for himself yesterday afternoon until I return tomorrow night, late. 

It just so happens, since mom is 7 hours away, Mel ended up in urgent care from not being able to keep food down, puking, running a fever, stuffy nose... She screamed most of the afternoon apparently.... And mama feels helpess. I'm stuck here in Madison, WI.... 7 hours from home. There's nothing I can do. 

Mel tested negative for RSV, but she does have a viral infection. The doctor sent her home with no meds, accept Tylenol and Motrin for children. 

Being mamas baby girl, I'm sure she just wants mama. I miss her even more knowing she is home sick. I wish with all my heart to be there to comfort her, but I know she is in good hands with daddy too! 

In the mean time, I'm going to get through my meetings and tours tomorrow and buzz home as fast as I can get there so I can snuggle my baby girl. It's been stressful this afternoon/ evening not knowing what was happening with her while I was in meetings. I was quite side tracked I didn't get much out of the speakers presentations. 

24-7 on call

Sometimes I just need a mommy day. A day to stay in bed, watching Netflix, and not moving. All. Day. Long. Not making any meals. Not giving a bath or cleaning up food messes.... Nothing. 

Sometimes I just need "mommy" time... Time for me to be me without the 20lb attachment that usually sits on my hip. 

Tonight is one of those nights. Mel got shipped off to Brads mom and dads house for the night. After multiple nights of a lack of sleep thanks to the stubborn 1 year old that refuses to sleep in her own bed, I just need a night to myself. 

I know I'm not the only mom that needs "me" time. I know there are others out there that feel this way too, but sometimes I just wish that other people understood that. I know that parenthood is a 24-7 job, but I also feel like many marriages, including my own, are strained because the parents focus so much on the child that they lose sight of who they were before the child. I feel like I've lost myself to my "mommy self" and have completely sluffed off my old self. I know, parenthood changes you, but I also feel like you shouldn't lose yourself over it. 

I've been in such a droopy mood lately. I'm beyond happy with my life, don't get me wrong, but something is off. I'm delighted my daughter is growing so quickly, but I'm dreading it at the same time. I think I'm to a stage of parenthood where everything is new again. I'm not a person who likes new. Mel is walking, close to talking, and she's learning about her anger.... She's starting to hit and she even tried to BITE my sister today!!! She's ONE!! I'm not sure how to handle it. And this along with stress from work, stress from life, everything is piling up.... 

So tonight is my night to have me time for the week. I'm going to lay in bed, watch Netflix, and sleep in in the morning. Then I'm going to happily go to work, and come home and do it all over again tomorrow night. Why? Because I can. Because I'm just a 20 something mother who needs a break from her beloved child. No parent is perfect, and I'm far from, but there's no reason I can't take a night to relax for once! 

Melanie's First Birthday

January 23, 2015 

Mel's first birthday. 

I cannot believe a whole year has come and gone since she was born. It has been a year of joys and fears. Happiness and laughter along with tears and frustrations. 

The journey of parenthood has been exactly that, a journey. There's no road map. No compass. No gps. It's a blind adventure. Before Mel, and even Paige, I read a fair number of books trying to prepare myself for motherhood, parenting, having a baby girl, having a child after the loss of a child, breastfeeding, childbirth, and marriage after kids. None of those books could prepare me for the roller coaster adventure I was about to embark on.

The day of Mels first birthday, she learned to walk. Not only did my little 7 lb baby grow into an adorable blonde blue eyed toddler, but she also grew into a walker. A baby gibberish talking, walking, solid food eating, toddler. All in a years time. I felt like I got hit by two busses from different directions. Double whammy. My baby girl is one.... And she started walking on her first birthday.   

How does a full year with an infant go by so fast? In my 25 years of life, this past year has been the fastest paced one yet. I knew children grow up fast, I was told by multiple people that they grow faster than you wish.  I never knew it would be this quick. From 7lbs to 19lbs. From fragile to bouncing off the walls and floors.... She has grown up into a toddler in the blink of an eye. One day she was crawling, the next she was walking all over the place. One day she's crying   because she's hungry, the next she's throwing a fit because a toy is in her way and she's blocked from where she wants to go. She has matured from a simple baby to a complex toddler. Her personality is exquisite. She truly is her fathers daughter, but she gets her looks from her mama.