Pure Joy

Today I had the privilege to watch my 18 month old toddler run around the streets of town, picking up candy, watching decorated floats and cars drive by, and celebrate Ice Cream Days. I've experienced parades before, plenty of them at the Tulip Festival, but the parade today was so welcoming and friendly. 

I was pleased with how well people in the parade hand out stuff. Equally. Few candy here, few stickers here, etc. Mel had a blast, and we learned that she loves tootsie rolls! I was sceptic about moving 45 minutes from home last fall, and I wouldn't change it for the world now. Today I got to see the true community. Thousands of people came to support the local businesses that were represented in the parade. They came to shop the stores down town, eat food at the family owned restaurants along Main Street. The local businesses participated in the parade to thank their customers and to advertise their community based business. It was awesome seeing this "new community" of ours today. 

I'm so excited to see what's in our future. Brad and I both have jobs we love, we live in a great community, and we have a gorgeous daughter to raise! Melanie is our reason for being here. We do everything FOR Melanie. We don't do it for us, we do it for her, but we love it now that we are where we want to be for the time being. I have a great partner by my side, and I'm excited to experience the future. 

Mothers Day

It's really crazy for me to think that today is my 3rd Mother's Day. 3 years of being a mother. My heart is so happy, and sad today, as I remember my first Mother's Day, childless. 

My heart goes out to all those mamas out there today who know the pain of celebrating a day that celebrates you, but feeling as if you don't deserve it. So many mamas out there are being celebrated for the children they have given birth to. Many of those mamas though, don't have any "little" bodies to hug today. 

I just want all those mamas to know, you aren't alone. Happy Mothers Day. You deserve this day. Reminisce on your little one(s) who aren't here to celebrate you, remember your journey you had with them while they were here. Today is special, and take pride in what you did for them. 

Much love, 

One Angel Baby mama to all those other mamas out there. 

Butterflies...

It's been 15 months since Mel was born. My heart has burst with love and joy and has floated away from butterflies countless times since she entered this world. My 7 lb baby is now a toddler. The other day we went for supper at Subway. Brad, Mel, and myself. I forgot a sippy and all they had were cups with lids and a straw.... We taught Mel how to drink from a straw. It was... A moment for me. I almost cried. She drank half the cup of water!! From a straw!! Where did my baby go?? 

Another thing that has been giving me complete butterflies and the jitters, is every single kiss and hug she gives me. I love them. She loves them too, and it melts my heart. 

Mommy hood is so much different than I ever imagined. I never thought that Mel would grow up in the blink of an eye. I never thought she would be the other part of my heart that I never knew I missed before she was here. I never knew this type of love existed. I also never knew that someone could pull my hair, push my buttons, make such a MESS, scream at me, hit me, throw tantrums, and annoy me so much, but yet I still lover her to the end of the earth. 

Melanie Rose. You can give me a million 

kisses and I would never tire of them.  It's been a total pleasure to watch you grow these past 15 months, and I look forward to watching your grow to be a fine young lady! 

Dads first time being Solo

Although Mel is over 14 months old now, she's never been left home alone, with dad, for more than a few hours. This week is my first time being away from mel for more than over night... My first business trip out of state.... Where my baby girl isn't just up the road 25-30 miles at grandparents houses. Brad was left to fend for himself yesterday afternoon until I return tomorrow night, late. 

It just so happens, since mom is 7 hours away, Mel ended up in urgent care from not being able to keep food down, puking, running a fever, stuffy nose... She screamed most of the afternoon apparently.... And mama feels helpess. I'm stuck here in Madison, WI.... 7 hours from home. There's nothing I can do. 

Mel tested negative for RSV, but she does have a viral infection. The doctor sent her home with no meds, accept Tylenol and Motrin for children. 

Being mamas baby girl, I'm sure she just wants mama. I miss her even more knowing she is home sick. I wish with all my heart to be there to comfort her, but I know she is in good hands with daddy too! 

In the mean time, I'm going to get through my meetings and tours tomorrow and buzz home as fast as I can get there so I can snuggle my baby girl. It's been stressful this afternoon/ evening not knowing what was happening with her while I was in meetings. I was quite side tracked I didn't get much out of the speakers presentations. 

24-7 on call

Sometimes I just need a mommy day. A day to stay in bed, watching Netflix, and not moving. All. Day. Long. Not making any meals. Not giving a bath or cleaning up food messes.... Nothing. 

Sometimes I just need "mommy" time... Time for me to be me without the 20lb attachment that usually sits on my hip. 

Tonight is one of those nights. Mel got shipped off to Brads mom and dads house for the night. After multiple nights of a lack of sleep thanks to the stubborn 1 year old that refuses to sleep in her own bed, I just need a night to myself. 

I know I'm not the only mom that needs "me" time. I know there are others out there that feel this way too, but sometimes I just wish that other people understood that. I know that parenthood is a 24-7 job, but I also feel like many marriages, including my own, are strained because the parents focus so much on the child that they lose sight of who they were before the child. I feel like I've lost myself to my "mommy self" and have completely sluffed off my old self. I know, parenthood changes you, but I also feel like you shouldn't lose yourself over it. 

I've been in such a droopy mood lately. I'm beyond happy with my life, don't get me wrong, but something is off. I'm delighted my daughter is growing so quickly, but I'm dreading it at the same time. I think I'm to a stage of parenthood where everything is new again. I'm not a person who likes new. Mel is walking, close to talking, and she's learning about her anger.... She's starting to hit and she even tried to BITE my sister today!!! She's ONE!! I'm not sure how to handle it. And this along with stress from work, stress from life, everything is piling up.... 

So tonight is my night to have me time for the week. I'm going to lay in bed, watch Netflix, and sleep in in the morning. Then I'm going to happily go to work, and come home and do it all over again tomorrow night. Why? Because I can. Because I'm just a 20 something mother who needs a break from her beloved child. No parent is perfect, and I'm far from, but there's no reason I can't take a night to relax for once! 

Melanie's First Birthday

January 23, 2015 

Mel's first birthday. 

I cannot believe a whole year has come and gone since she was born. It has been a year of joys and fears. Happiness and laughter along with tears and frustrations. 

The journey of parenthood has been exactly that, a journey. There's no road map. No compass. No gps. It's a blind adventure. Before Mel, and even Paige, I read a fair number of books trying to prepare myself for motherhood, parenting, having a baby girl, having a child after the loss of a child, breastfeeding, childbirth, and marriage after kids. None of those books could prepare me for the roller coaster adventure I was about to embark on.

The day of Mels first birthday, she learned to walk. Not only did my little 7 lb baby grow into an adorable blonde blue eyed toddler, but she also grew into a walker. A baby gibberish talking, walking, solid food eating, toddler. All in a years time. I felt like I got hit by two busses from different directions. Double whammy. My baby girl is one.... And she started walking on her first birthday.   

How does a full year with an infant go by so fast? In my 25 years of life, this past year has been the fastest paced one yet. I knew children grow up fast, I was told by multiple people that they grow faster than you wish.  I never knew it would be this quick. From 7lbs to 19lbs. From fragile to bouncing off the walls and floors.... She has grown up into a toddler in the blink of an eye. One day she was crawling, the next she was walking all over the place. One day she's crying   because she's hungry, the next she's throwing a fit because a toy is in her way and she's blocked from where she wants to go. She has matured from a simple baby to a complex toddler. Her personality is exquisite. She truly is her fathers daughter, but she gets her looks from her mama. 

1 Whole Year... In multiple ways...

I've been telling myself for months that I really needed to get on this blog and update a lot of information. It has been nearly an entire year since I last posted here. I can't believe how fast life has been flying by, even though there are days where I feel like life is inching past.... It's been a year of firsts.... a year with Melanie... a year without a blog post....

Throughout the past year we have had many ups and downs.

In April; Mel and I attended multiple soccer games for Mel's first time to watch Aunt Cassie and Sara play soccer. This was Cassie's last year, and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the games... Mel liked her nap time...

In May; Brad, Mel and I all attended the Tulip Festival for the first time as a family. Mel got to "drive" Great Grandpa De Jong's tractor, and she actually liked it! We also attended Cassie's graduation from High School. 

In June; Brad, Mel, and I went to the Zoo for the first time. We took a 'staycation' to Sioux Falls where we went shopping, went to the zoo, and visited some family.

In July; We all went to Aunt Cheri's wedding where Mel was a flowergirl for the first time in her life! She actually ended up sleeping in Grandmas arms down the aisle... Mel also attended her first County Fair where she learned how to make goat/sheep noises.... We won't ever forget that!

In August; The Ackerman side of our family went on vacation together. We were gone for 5 days. This was Mel's first real family vacation. She also caught her first fish off the dock near our cabin. We had a lot of fun during this week, and we were blessed with many amazing memories...

September.... Where do I even begin. We moved to Merrill, IA where Brad and I both accepted new jobs. This was Mel's first move to a new house. Mel also started attending daycare for the first time in her life.... and she loved it. Mel also went in to the Dr. at the Castle in Sioux Falls for the first time to evaluate her hips, which were cleared of hip displaysia. Mel also started crawling at the end of this month too.

October; We painted pumpkins for the first time as a family. We also went to the Pumpkinland and did the Corn Maze with some of our family friends. Mel got to dress up as Tigger for Halloween, and we visited all of her Grandmas and Grandpas (and great/ great great grandparents).

November; We said good bye to my grandma Gloria. We spend hours with my family reminiscing over the past, feeling blessed with the memories we had with her. This was also Mel's first Thanksgiving! She stuffed her face with tons and tons of food, just like the rest of us!

December; This was quite and emotional month. On the 19th we had a chimney fire which started the attic of our rental house on fire. We were saved by a smoke detector. Praise the Lord. We moved out of the house into a temporary parsonage 15 miles from Le Mars. It changed our lives drastically, doubling our commute every day, moving us farther from work and town, and living in a house that wasn't home... Then there is Christmas. Our spoiled rotten 11 month old received tons and tons of clothes, toys, and money for gifts. She loved the attention she got from everyone and she stole the show. She learned that gifts were meant to be opened and she really enjoyed ripping the paper off of gifts, whether they were hers or not.

January; Mel turns one. ONE... and on the day she turned one she learned to WALK.... What a double whammy on this mama who was in denial. My baby turned one and learned to walk all on the same day. We threw a pretty fun birthday party for her, that she will never remember, but that's what pictures are for right?? :)

February; This past weekend we got to return back to our rental house. We are back HOME. Mel knew exactly which room was hers, and she definitely missed her crib. She walked right up to it and gave the mattress a huge hug. It was ADORABLE. We are adjusting to our new life here, in a newly remodeled house. We're working on decorating, furnishing, and unpacking the boxes that have been packed and un packed too many times this past year....

So there is the catch up from this past year.... I PROMISE to start keeping you all updated more often now. We have lots of fun adventures to come this next year.... and I can't wait to keep watching my little peanut grow and becoming a little lady...