I have grieved the life of a best friend, partner in crime, and brother. Breiton Scott Ackerman was born on July 10, 2000. After having two younger sisters, it was past due time for a brother of mine. The one brother I would ever have was taken away from me after 4 short years of blessings. I used to take many things for granted, always thinking that life could be better, that there was always something better and newer. I no longer covet the most up to date things, because things aren't what matter in life. I have learned that without Love, Life is not an enjoyment. Love runs everything through this world. You were brought into this world through the Love of a Savior and Christ that unconditionally loves you no matter what mistakes you make.
I loved my brother like no one would believe. I wouldn't say that I favored my brother over my two sisters, but I would say that Breiton and I got along a lot better than we did with the middle two girls. :) When Breiton was instantly taken from our lives, it was the most horrifying thing I hope I ever have to endure. With no body to prove his death, we were all uncertain as to what the results of this accident truly were. Through much support of the community and Church, my family was able to close the search and declare my brother dead. After 7 years I still struggle with the fact that maybe, just maybe he survived and is still alive. Maybe somebody found him down the river, saved him, and "adopted" them as their own. I could only wish my brother didn't have to endure such an awful, scary death. It frightens me to think about what he was thinking when he fell into the water, if he fell into the water. It frightens me to think of how he truly died, and why he had to die. I've wished every day since May 22, 2004 that this was all a bad dream. I even asked my aunt, Erica, to slap me across the face the day after the accident happened, just to wake me up. I never woke.
Although his accident has been a huge burden on my life, I have been able to live through the memories of my brother. He has blessed me with so many good, sweet, amazing grace about life, as well as the thousands of memories I had, and still have, with him. I will never forget the amazing love he gave me. The wonderful ear to ear grin he always had on his face. And, don't forget, the beautiful attitude he had about life. That boy was always in a good mood, even when he was ticked off at someone, you could always get him to giggle and laugh. That boy was an amazing character. After 7 years of never seeing his face, or hearing that goofy laugh and giggle, I miss him more and more each day. Although I miss him, I don't let it get to me. I have brought so many good, new people into my life that I thank him for making me who I am today.
I would never have pictured myself where I am today with a bright future ahead of me, dreams to fill, and blessings to count. Each day people take family, friends, and memories for granted, but I won't, I can't allow that to happen. In the name of my brother, I keep the positives above the negatives and live my life day to day, fulfilling what HE would have wanted for me. I can't let an accident like this keep me from living my dream. I hope to one day be able to gap this hurt with a son of my own, and I pray to God that he is just like my little brother once was so that I can watch him grow and live his own life to fulfill his own dreams. My own little football player who runs into doors, trips over his own feet, and can't sing a tune at the top of his lungs. I pray that God fulfills Breiton's purpose here on earth and that everyone can learn from such an immediate, drastic change in the life of many. I hope my story reaches many people to help them realize that blessings are worth counting. Don't take anything for granted because everything happens for a reason. Live like you are dying has been my motto since Breiton's death, and that will never change. Look at life as if you won't wake up tomorrow, count your blessings, and tell everyone who you love that you love them. In the blink of an eye they could be gone, you could be gone, and everyone's lives would be changed forever.
With Much Love,
Roslyn
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